The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
-
Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
-
Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
-
Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
-
Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
Going to explore New York (city) for a week or two (starting ~now). Any advice on what to do? Anyone around and want to grab a beer?
-If you haven't been before do some of the touristy stuff. Much of it is overrated but it is still worth doing once (ex: Time Square).
-NYC is arguably the greatest city in the world. With the most selection in the world. This means shopping (for a partner maybe?). You ever wanted incredible Indian food but don't have it in your usual area? What about something more specific like Cambodian? Pull up some lists of stuff and go to town.
-You'll be there for a minute, depending on what your situation is it may be worth doing something like taking Amtrak to Philly for a day trip. If you are coming in from say Toronto or otherwise have limited access to the east coast you'd be surprised at how much you can do nearby. You'll never run out of things in NYC but it can be overwhelming and adding extra stuff can be paradoxically helpful.
-I've never been to an IRL Motte/SSC diaspora meet up but I've always figured you'd have a chance at getting some of the paranoid opsec types with an open invite to some location instead of a direct "lets meet up." Food for thought?
More options
Context Copy link
A part of me wants to meet up. Another part of me is scared of meeting my fellow motte racists. Can I mark myself as tentative ?
I recommend spending a Saturday morning & afternoon in Williamsburg. It's a special neighborhood. Up there for hottest people per capita anywhere in the world (I bring the median hotness down). Smorbasborg is great. Domino park is amazing and the Domino sugar building is my favorite new building in America. If you like climbing, then the indoor-outdoor bouldering wall at Vital is fun.
Williamsburg food crawl:
There's best in class vintage stores (artists & fleas and surrounding blocks), wine bars (Sauced, or really any of them), Bath houses (bathhouse is legit, actually). Williamsburg is a 25 yr old white woman's dream. But, it's pretty great for all other demographics too.
Depending on if it was too much or too little, you can go south and spend time with the Hasidics or go east and spend time in Bushwick. It's unconventional people either way.
More options
Context Copy link
Check out Fractal tech.
More options
Context Copy link
The huge container ports on the New Jersey side of the Hudson River are fairly cool. (Read The Box to learn about their history.)
I'm the kind of sicko that wants to see stuff like this when I travel.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
Update to this from 3 weeks ago.
Thank you all for the support and advice.
The situation got worse. After I blocked the extremist content and confronted her about the bitcoin transfers, and took her to the crisis counselor, I discovered this was actually the second scam.
The first one from May-June totaled $55k and involved intimate images. Was a romance / loverboy also with an Elon Musk impersonator.
I also discovered she had maintained contact with both scammers, complaining to them that I had taken her for an evaluation.
Telling one:
At various times in the chat logs she seems almost lucid, but at times paranoid accusing one of the scammers of working with me to destroy her.
She tells the 2nd scammer, the 1st scammer confirmed his identity by
Contact with both scammers continued for several weeks.
She'd complained of floaters in her vision combined with everything else I thought it'd be prudent to have our local hospital have a look at her. After they discharged her, she attempted to obtain a restraining order, against me.
Last week she left for 8 days to a "safe location", she was gone when we returned from Sunday service.
She's returned but won't discuss anything.
I've filed for divorce.
Her brother reviewed her Twitter content and said "I can't believe this is my sister's account... didn't sound like her at all." Multiple people who knew her before have expressed similar shock. I've been documenting everything per attorney's advice.
Children start public school tomorrow. Continuing weekly meetings with pastor. I've seen my own therapist once and have weekly appointments. Men's bible study group has been incredibly supportive now that I've opened up to them. Kids are doing okay, all things considered. We're maintaining routines. I'm working fully remote now to be present for them.
I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.
That’s fucked up.
If it helps at all…I think you’re doing the right things.
More options
Context Copy link
I'll pray for you my friend, I'm sorry this has happened.
More options
Context Copy link
First things first: "Secure the scene first," "at a cardiac arrest, the first procedure is to take your own pulse," "self-care bro."
However you frame it - this is going to be tough make sure you are getting support. Likely you did not do anything wrong. Try not to blame yourself. Try not to blame yourself for blaming yourself.
Caveats: I deliberately only skimmed so everything is general and pretend it's general if I didn't do a good job making it general (I am not your or her doctor and am not asking the questions required to provide specific or informed advice.
Second: These things are more common than you think and go in all kinds of directions. Be aware that catastrophic decline is on the table, but so is total remission and so is things like backbreaking medical causes. Try not to get locked into a particular hope or despair without more understanding, information, and crucially - time.
Third: You are going to get a lot of shitty medical and psychiatric advice. Your therapist may accidentally be right but already this doesn't seem like a true delusion (insufficiently fixed?) is inconsistent with borderline personality persistence and doesn't really exhibit evidence for bipolar. Could be prodrome however. Don't worry what any of that means that isn't your job. Could be you don't have the language to relay the behavior you are seeing (that's not your fault! You aren't a trained healthcare professional). Most of the geographic area of the country has poor access to psychiatric care (NPs/PAs have some uses in medicine but never in psychiatric care, I've never met a psychiatrist who was willing to privately say something good about an NP except those who were getting a significant financial benefit. With unusual patients they are significantly worse than useless), and while it's out there it is hard to find a FM/IM/ED doc who is sharp on psychiatry which is important because-
Four: In order to meet the criteria for a DSM diagnosis the symptoms have to not be better explained by a medical condition or substance use. Usually the work up for this is inadequate in most settings. The ED will usually get a head scan if the patient has a first episode of psychosis in atypical age range, but they don't always.... Other basic lab work like an RPR usually needs to be done, but they might not have done it. Someone who knows what autoimmune encephalitis is needs to think about it for three seconds. Realistically it isn't any of the rare stuff, but those things do happen. For drugs a UDS is grossly inadequate if she's doing anything weird, which she may be. Patient's get access to a benzo with the wrong metabolite, use some local herb, or buy some weird designer drug. Shit happens and in the case of something like caffeine nobody may ask the right question when it totally explains the psychosis.
With someone who is uncooperative it will be hard, but taking her to a competent PCP under the basis of "hey I'm worried about you its not your fault lets see if anything medical is happening" can sometimes gain traction.
This is difficult however because people who aren't truly mentally ill don't think they have anything wrong with them and are correct and people who are truly mentally ill often have refusal to acknowledge that they are as a symptom.
Medical/substance/environmental/lifestyle causes of psychosis and/or mood disturbance are not as common as simple causes but they aren't rare. If you wish get access to the medical records and google things and make sure the right crap has been done.
Five: Some facts about potentially relevant DSM conditions. -Women get schizophrenia later than men, especially a bump is seen around menopause. -The DSM has a diagnosis of "Brief Psychotic Disorder." Some people have true psychotic symptoms that remit spontaneously (and never come back). -Adequate care can get someone back to normal. It can also get someone normal enough. -The DSM has a diagnosis of "Delusional Disorder" which means someone is otherwise normal but has delusions about a specific thing. -If someone has schizophrenia you will see some combination of other things in addition to delusions. People act weird. Usually the family can pick up on this (but not always). Same is true for other conditions. Take stock of what you noted. Point it out to medical professionals. -Depression can manifest with psychotic features or other significantly concerning behaviors.
Six: Not every behavioral problem is a DSM disorder (they have a cheat option for "unspecified" or whatever but that's not really the same).
This moves out of medicine to the reality of people doing weird shit and having weird beliefs. I think social justice people are crazy! But they aren't DSM relevant. Some problematic behaviors respond well to therapy some don't but you will find people in the population who have something like midlife satisfaction issues, political freak outs and so on.
You can peck around the edges but if this is the case the medical and legal systems (including medication) will be of limited assistance.
This leaves some room for "maybe two years from now she'll be like....that was dumb" but the lack of options isn't really comforting right now.
You should be prepared for the possibility of this being a true medical/psychiatric issue and also for the possibility of it being a "she's changed." Both will be tough to deal with but in different ways.
I'm sorry.
I know what you mean.
Many of the possible organic causes are horrible.
The Elon Musk delusion has persisted since April / May.
Since July, she sometimes seems afraid of me. Has claimed at least at twice thqt I'm abusive but was unable to articulate any actual abuse.
I think I've already used all the let's go get you checked out attempts I'm going to get.
Many of them aren't though! And some if treated may remit.
With respect to timing .....not really brief, but things can get better spontaneously shockingly far out. The human brain gonna do what it do.
The increasing paranoia is concerning but not as unilaterally bad as you might expect, while getting worse is obviously not a good outcome, it can sometimes lead to treatment that makes things better in the long run!
Try and recruit as much support as you can. :/
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
I am terribly sorry for what has happened to you and your family, and I wish you all the best as the situation develops.
I wonder if you would find it helpful to read VALIS by Philip K Dick, the famous science fiction author, who began experiencing mystical/schizophrenic delusions in his later life.
The book is a very thinly veiled exploration of Dick’s own mental state, and his constant struggle to reconcile his rational understanding that he is deluded with his schizophrenic certainty that all of it is true.
I haven’t read it for a long time but you might find it illuminating or humanising.
Thanks for the recommendation.
My library says I should have the ebook in ~2 weeks.
You’re welcome. I hope it’s of some use. Keep buggering on, as Churchill used to say.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
This sounds like a textbook case of schizophrenia, no? How old is she?
47
My therapist said schizophrenia, or BPD / bi-polar. She asked for the emails and chat logs I have. I'll see her again this week and give her the logs and emails.
I'd almost guess some sort of early onset dementia?
I've been reading some of the literature.
It seems late onset schizophrenia is more prevalent in women and there may be a hormonal connection as there is with many things in women.
I'm trying not to obsess, but I've been a bit hypervigilant for the past couple weeks.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
My condolences. I can scarcely imagine the waking horror you now inhabit. Do you have any outlets to keep your spirits high?
High spirits are in short supply.
Our church has been very supportive.
Our oldest made a local swim team, his siblings are going to swim at the same location as part of their club program. It'll keep them and me busy several nights a week.
I'm open to suggestions.
I mean, personally I've always enjoyed some online game nights with old friends in far flung parts. For a time we were pretty good about playing older games we all grew up with. Dooms, Quakes, StarCraft, etc. It can be very comforting to slip into adolescent activities with old friends.
If old friends are in short supply, I'm always down for some random internet fun.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
I cannot even imagine. I'm very sorry to read all this.
I deal with plenty of delusional people, but drugs play a large role in their lives. It's beyond baffling when it strikes people who are otherwise functional and healthy (presumably the hospital found no organic cause for such behavior and the floaters like a brain tumor or something).
They didn't discover anything to my knowledge.
Some occasional cannabis use but nothing that I think would account for this.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
Oh man, that’s rough.
It’s surprisingly common. One woman(50s) I know thinks she has been in a serious relationship with a scammer for years. A man she’s never met, who always has an accident at the airport, requiring she send money. She has broken off relations with anyone who tried to bring up the fact that her love affair is a scam.
I don’t know what one should do in such cases. Protect yourself and your children first.
Any idea what might have brought this on? Covid, Chatgpt ?
She did become very antivax through Covid, calls it the clot shot, etc.
I didn't get the vaccine either, but don't really subscribe to the larger conspiracy theories surrounding the vaccine.
When I had access to her device I briefly checked AI usage. Nothing that appeared problematic.
Some of the emails and longer chat messages from the scammers sound like AI to me.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
What's her twitter username
It's lots of white-wellbeing and nowhiteguilt.org and similar adjacent content. Culture war material, westernkind, western bio-spirit, etc.
Seems a bit like an online cult to me.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link