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Well, it happened. I've been frivolously accused of sexual assault.
Context: https://www.themotte.org/post/1092/wellness-wednesday-for-july-24-2024/234218?context=8#context
TLDR: I had a crush on an actual neurodivergent nerd girl in her early 30s, concocted a grand romantic gesture, had what I thought was a great evening with her where we kissed a few times. Then the next day she's coldly unhappy with me
I apologize via text but hear nothing back from her. She hasn't seemed particularly drunk, and had lots of opportunity to ditch me.
There's a part 2 to this story,
I run into her again a few weeks later (this is 2024) and she gives me a big ole body hug and invites me to hang out, making me internally panic. There's other people around so I can't really have a frank conversation with her. At the end of the evening, I ask her if she'd like to get dinner sometime, so we can talk in private and I can hash out exactly how she feels about me. She reacts poorly.
Via text she accuses me of acting weird. My attraction to her is waning. Some choice quotes: "I'm so tired of straight guys assuming I'm not asexual, anyways I already have a crush." Never mind her "pretty people dont light their own cigarettes" line, asexual people apparently flirt pretty openly when they've had any amount of alcohol.
We have a pleasant-enough text conversation that firmly makes me dislike her, or rather dislike how leftist queer neurodivergent activist asexual feminism has taken someone I could have liked and made them a shitty person. I leave things at that, the matter has been settled.
This was a year ago. Recently, I run into her at the pub in question, with some of my friends. I give her a cordial hello, find out she's going back to school for political science (read: a degree in activism). I liked her more when she talked about Hellboy and her Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction. She says something odd about seeing a mutual friend mention me on Facebook recently and it confusing her. I say "I'm glad you're doing well" and take my leave.
The next day I get this banger, which is really the star of this entire post.
>Hey I didn't get to say this because we were surrounded by people but you've never apologized for sexually assaulting me on my birthday last year and I would appreciate an apology as that ruined my birthday and has made me feel not okay about you ever since
I already apologized to her way back at the beginning of all this. I considered replying with a terse apology, a reminder I had previously apologized, and a promise to never acknowledge her again, because I don't feel okay about her either. Instead, I blocked her on everything and will ignore her going forwards. This isnt a good-faith interaction, this is a person either fucking with me, or of questionable sanity. I'm not going to feed the beast.
She could actually fuck up my social life quite a bit if she wanted to, that bar is VERY important to me; most of my non-roommate friends in the city were met through that RPG club and the surrounding social context.
No further encounters after two weeks. Still feels weird to be walking around with an accusation of sexual assault upon me.
I remember that post! And damn, it's already been a year.
As back then, I still have no actual advice to give. My personal inclination would be to tough it out - according to your version, you haven't done any wrong, so unless you suddenly realize that you did indeed "sexually assault" her, it wouldn't do to grovel just to appease a crazy woman. If this ruins your social life, then...yeah, I get it, that sucks, but better have it ruined that way than by making yourself become an absolute doormat.
No groveling apology will be forthcoming. Allow me a therapeutic hypothetical rant.
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