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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   2483 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for November 2, 2025

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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For men: in a relationship, do you ask about your partner's body count? Or perhaps you don't ask about it, but ask certain other questions like attitudes about casual sex? Does asking about it actually help with the preoccupation at all? How do you get over it?

For men: in a relationship, do you ask about your partner's body count?

No, but it tends to come up naturally. But also, I and most of the people I've dated didn't really know? Depending how you define body count, I'm probably somewhere between one and three dozen?

Does asking about it actually help with the preoccupation at all? How do you get over it?

What preoccupation? Who cares how many people either of you have slept with? Being preoccupied with exes or their penis size (as described below) just reeks of insecurity. It seems more productive to focus on being a good partner in and out of the bedroom and having confidence in your self-worth.

This type of reaction you've shown to me makes me angry. You clearly don't respect my values enough to even ask why before you start telling me how it looks, and ridiculing the thought process right out of the gate. But maybe that was your intention.

I deliberately avoided dating for this long because I only ever wanted to save myself for one special person, to make her my "first" everything, and it's a really bitter pill to swallow that I've waited too long to get my life in order and there is basically nobody left at my age who is relatively normal and also did the same thing as me, so it won't be as special, and I will probably feel permanently bitter about it.

If that seems too romantic for you, fine. The bitter reality that we are all mammals that just have instincts to mate with each other before we die is an extremely uncomfortable thought, and I think society has been harmed by embracing it to the extent that it has. I finally believe that I'm a good person, and there are other good people like me, and the world as it currently is is unfair to them and their values. But there's nothing I can do about it, so it's just about finding the best way to cope.

This type of reaction you've shown to me makes me angry. You clearly don't respect my values enough to even ask why before you start telling me how it looks, and ridiculing the thought process right out of the gate. But maybe that was your intention.

For what it's worth, no, I wasn't trying to troll you or make you angry. I had assumed we were starting from a position that your values or worldview were maladaptive given that you're asking for help in 'getting over it,' and use the word preoccupation which to me at least carries a negative valence.

But if you want to dig in and insist on your values, I wish you luck in your coping.

Speaking of negative valence, "you want to dig in" also has a negative valence, along with the rest of that last sentence. For one, it's not just me, this is an inherent part of the human psyche of many people. For another, I have a hard time thinking that I'm wrong, seeing all the people who cannot handle casual sex or do crazy things like trying to get their hookups or their exes fired because they are too bitter from breaking up.

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