Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.
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Notes -
Beholden in what regard? Does she feel it'd limit her freedom of movement? If so, is there uber/taxi setup that could solve it? Or does she mean she doesn't want to owe you? If so, why not - if you're going to be a family unit, there's shouldn't be a problem like that - unless she doesn't feel ready to get that close to you.
I'm not sure where is she in this picture? I mean, if you're going to live together, is she expected to contribute to this arrangement? Right now, as I understand, she's living in an expensive city - so she must have some means to maintain this lifestyle? Isn't she expected to contribute something to the future living arrangements?
Why is it it that I am getting a vibe that for her it is not a problem and the current arrangement works just fine for her and she does not want to change it? I mean, by this point it is clear what you want. But is it clear to you what she wants? And if it turns out she already has what she wants, then you have a choice: either you want the same and you walk this path together, or you want something different and you have to lay it in the open and consider that it's a point where you walk different paths. I realize this may be terrifying and painful, but if you want to solve this situation - as opposed to keeping dragging it on without ever knowing where you stand - you must have clarity there. Making huge life-changing investments before you have this clarity will only hurt you more in the future - you will put yourself in a bad situation and you would put her in a bad situation, making "sacrifices for her" which she maybe didn't want you to make, and this will just create more tension and pain.
She currently lives in a tiny, run-down apartment that's at the top of multiple flights of stairs. Her income isn't bad, but she's trying to save. While we would both contribute to expenses, one thing that we both agree on is that we should only calculate affordability based on my assets and income. That way, in an emergency, her income could give us considerable runway while I try to find a new job or otherwise right the ship.
I've had similar thoughts, and if she's happy with how things are, then I am content. Maybe that makes me an overly romantic fool, but I'll accept it. She has told me she wants to be together, but words and actions are not always the same thing.
There's want and there's want. I want to be a billionaire, who wouldn't? But do I spend every living second on thinking about new business ideas and trying to invent yet another startup that would make me one, or do I work in my decently paying salaryman job and enjoy my hobbies, neither of which has even a remote chance of making me a billionaire?
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