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PaperclipPerfector  2mo ago (text post)   2882 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for November 9, 2025

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

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This isn't supposed to be a friendship. From OP's POV, this is a nearly done deal for companionship barring 1 or 2 major issues. and if you think that she is treating him as a friend, then also it doesn't fit. who wants to live together with a friend (unless FWB) and then also, the person who feels that this is a friendship only from her side would explain to the other person that she has friendzoned him clearly, so that the friend (OP) doesn't get hurt. So, this is definitely not real friendship.

We've discussed living together, and we both agree to the idea in principle

She does not drive, and will not accept living somewhere that does not have ubiquitous, reliable transportation.

While our attempts to find a home together

She tells me she misses me, and that she wishes we could be together.

In her new reasoning, she claims that the issue is about career concerns. She works in service , but my area has a raging hospitality industry. When she lived here, she would make as much money during tourist season as she does in a year in $(CITY).

"Agreeing to the idea in principle" but when it comes to making it happen, it's all on OP. He has to buy a house or other dwelling in the city. She is not putting a penny towards this. Even though it's supposed to be "and then we can live together".

It well may be she doesn't want any kind of closer relationship with anyone and this is what suits her, I've read stories of "famous author doesn't live with her husband and they have two separate houses" before. Long-distance boyfriend that they have a close friendship but only have to meet face-to-face and be together for short periods at a time might be all she wants in a relationship.

But it would be kinder and more honest of her to say that, instead of a string of excuses. Perhaps she doesn't even know herself, though, what exactly she wants: 'this works, why mess with it, if it ain't broke don't fix it'.

But it would be kinder and more honest of her to say that Actions speaker louder than words. One needs to understand (and accept) those, rather than wait for explicit words.

Perhaps she doesn't even know herself very possible (i would say likely). which is why, actions should be taken by the OP to shake things out into the open.

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