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Notes -
It's hard to diagnose a total stranger, but I have to ask you this: it's been ten years, has she ever hinted at marriage? Asked if you want to get married someday? Talked about friends getting married? Have you ever tried proposing or even hinting you want to marry her?
Because if it's ten years and you're not even living in the same city, this does not sound like "rest of my life relationship" on her side. I have some sympathy for her as a non-driver myself (it's easy to say 'oh just get a lift, I'll drive you anywhere' but it's a lot harder depending on family members to be available when you need that transport to a certain place or trying to get taxis or trying to fit bus schedules around 'I need to be in this place at this time on the dot'), but I can't see how you guys are working this out. Do you visit her in CITY regularly? Does she visit you?
Right now, it sounds like you are both living what amount to independent lives and she's happy with that. Apart from the whole transport and job reasons, I hate to say it, but it sounds like she's not eager to have you move in with her/she moves in with you and start living together (and maybe wedding bells in the near future). Some people can make that work, but if you want more and she doesn't - time to rip the bandage off completely. Talk to her about "do you want to be with me? do you want marriage? do you see us as forever?"
We have both talked about marriage. She's unable to have children, so it's not the highest priority for us, but neither of us are averse to the idea. We've both essentially backburnered discussion around it to "when we're together and it actually makes sense".
I try to get over there at least once a month. She tries to get down here at least once a month. It's never perfect and it's never perfectly 50/50, but we do our best.
If it's not making sense after ten years, it's never going to make sense.
Again, I'm diagnosing a situation based on no knowledge except what you've provided here, but it sounds like that from her side, things are fine as they are and she has no wish to change them. You seem to be the one who wants the permanent committed relationship. You say she says she misses you and wishes you could be together, but again from what you say, she's doing nothing about that.
You're doing the research online. You're trying to find alternatives and compromises. From your description, her view is "move here, not necessarily in with me, so I can keep what I already have plus be able to see you more easily and more often".
I dunno. Sounds like the saying ""In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek". But if you want this to work, maybe it can. I'm hesitant to say "start making demands" because that's a great way to start a fight, but can you ask her does she really think your problems will let you just move to the city like she wants? What's her suggestion for overcoming "I would lose her simply because we couldn't afford to be where she wants to be." Is she willing to move somewhere in the city that is within your current means, or is that also a big no-no? If it's going to be home for both of you, what assets is she bringing to this and why is it all on you to pay for a new house?
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