Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
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Notes -
Just semi-randomly encountered this:
Wut? I dont remember hearing any claims of sexual orientation manifesting pre-puberty. It doesnt seem like it would fit a christian narrative either. Is there some background I dont know?
A fully developed sexual consciousness no, but I think a rudimentary sexual inclination is expected, at least the bare minimum of knowing whether you "like" girls or boys. I think the alternative that you wouldn't know until you've reached puberty is harder to imagine.
Or is it the "before I could spell my name" part? I mean, her name isn't that hard to spell but we're hearing stories about people who leave higher education with minimal literacy so it's not impossible that she was a slow learner, although I'm guessing most of those don't become writers. It's probably just a turn of phrase.
Well, I dont have to imagine. I mean, I "knew" that I would like girls because thats how all the adults ended up, and I did, but it sure didnt feel that way at the time.
And I mean, in what sense would you "like" them? Social groups are a lot more sex segregated before puberty IME, which is not what Id expect if they liked each other to a significant extent. Is there any non-introspective observation that makes you expect that?
Let's say puberty begins around 12, that's plenty of time to pick up on the memeset around sexual attraction and compare it against what does and doesn't resonate with your own feelings.
The only thing I can think of that would make it confusing is if, like the writer, somebody found their own sex more attractive but the whole of society was prompting them with expectations to be interested in the other sex for whom they felt very little. In that case I can imagine the person wondering whether their feelings will change when they grow up and then getting hit with the elevated production of hormones at puberty and realising that there's no room for doubt; they like what they like even more than before. Or maybe if a kid had grown up with only siblings of the other sex and mistook their lack of fondness for them as extending to all members of that sex.
At its basic level in the undeveloped puppy-dog love sense. "Girl A <3 Boy B" written on a pencil case, or having a favourite pop singer who you like solely because of how nice they look instead of what their music is like, or wanting to play a pretend grown-up relationship role with one particular playmate, or childish jealousy/envy that that one particular person is playing that role with some other boy/girl, or focusing on one person and following them around and wanting to be involved in all their activities despite having no inherent interest in those activities, or kids teasing each other about who they "like". All common behaviours in my experience that can be seen as expressing the same instincts you see in adult attraction and relationships. I expect Desmond Morris has written on the subject in more detail.
Maybe you misunderstood the question. That doesnt explain why you think they already have those feelings.
Huh. In my experience, elementary-school boys and girls rarely play with each other. We did tease each other over "liking" someone (in the later years), but those attributions where made up on the flimisiest of pretexts and really just exist for the sake of the teasing. I think that is just imitating the older kids where the first ones who do start to like are, understandably, made fun of.
I don't think I do understand the question, I thought "All common behaviours in my experience" explained why I think they had those feelings. I saw other kids in primary school behaving in ways that were motivated by a special affection that wasn't normal friendship. Add to that that some people are shy and there were probably other people who had those same feelings but didn't openly express them.
It was made up for the sake of teasing but the effectiveness of the teasing relies on its plausibility. We didn't tease each other about being bad at driving.
Outside of those kind of inferential observations there were the open admissions. You'd tell a friend that you liked a girl, or he'd tell you, or one of the girls would tell her friend to tell you that she liked your friend, and there was no confusion about what was meant by "liking" someone. All of those likings were directed at their opposite sex. All that together suggests to me that many kids can intuit which sex they are attracted to before reaching puberty. Without seeing these kinds of discussions on the internet I would have thought it was rare not to.
Out of interest, when you were a kid what internal response did you have when you happened upon risque images?
Nah, we used "gay" as a universal insult before we knew what it meant also.
That did happen a couple times. At least half those times I know the middle friend made it up to troll her. I do/did think some of them were "real" but... idk, the girls had a lot of vaguely romance-coded social activities, most of which obviously werent that serious. Also, no boy made an admission of any kind.
I dont remember anything. Im sure it happended but it must not have had much impact.
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