The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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I am normally the opposite of neurotic. For the past few years, the only thing I've gone full throttle on is academics (my parents are beaming at me). The romantic neuroticism is quite new, courtesy of a particular relationship you already know too much about. I won't repeat myself.
I enjoy being able to put that aside, and hopefully keep it aside. That being said, a pinch of neuroticism probably makes me a more considerate partner.
I have the memory of a goldfish, so if I don't write, I forget. Also, writing is cathartic.
Funny. While talking to her yesterday, I suddenly recalled one of the reasons we'd pulled apart after our first few meetings. She had asked me once, probably over text, whether some of her menstrual symptoms might be due to pregnancy.
This threw me for a loop. I hadn't slept with her. My reaction was to point out, with some indignation, that I was really the wrong person to ask given that I don't know who she slept with or when. Getting that out of the system, I then proceeded to give her actual advice, because of course that's what I did. Just helpful like that. She then told me it was 4/5 months back, after which I told her that if it was a pregnancy she'd damn well know by now. It was something else.
I took that as a not particularly polite sign of a lack of romantic or sexual interest. I thought she'd either hinted that, or simply saw me so platonically that the notion that I'd care hadn't even occurred to her. I put aside my aspirations for another date, low as they already were. I busied myself with even crazier women.
I told her this. She was initially taken aback, but then recall struck like lightning. Oh, she said, and then proceeded to type out a very lengthy and heartfelt apology. She wasn't entirely sure what her rationale had been back then, but it wasn't malicious. Perhaps a tad bit inconsiderate, but I've been there myself. I hemmed and hawed a little bit, but I did accept it. I said I'd forget, and for now, it didn't spoil a good thing.
Ah. Mature conversations and being able to talk to someone. I missed this.
The points you've mentioned are good. I can see that being the foundation for a good relationship, happy husband/wife = happy life.
I would personally make a longer list, tacking on such things as intelligent, looks, a sense of humor etc etc. I'm sure you don't mean to say these aren't valuable by refraining from mentioning them specifically. I can excuse them being a liar, or at least I can this girl when she calls me a "pretty boy".
I must say that the whole "look at the parents to gauge their offspring" is wise, and something I learned from bitter experience. A girl from a well-adjusted, caring family? There's cause for hope.
That is the most important thing. When I was maybe 14, my friend’s mother, scion of the single most politically important dynasty in a small Latin American nation of little note, told me that when marrying, you marry a family more than a man or a woman. The advice has stuck with me since, and it was correct.
Bloody hell. My mom told me the same thing, in the same words. I can only wish she came from such a noble lineage, but I've been trying to live by them nonetheless.
My parents told me the same thing, it's generally good advice!
Also, any problems your spouse has with their parents/siblings will become your problems as well when you're married.
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