site banner

Culture War Roundup for the week of January 19, 2026

This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.

Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.

We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:

  • Shaming.

  • Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.

  • Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.

  • Recruiting for a cause.

  • Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.

In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:

  • Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.

  • Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.

  • Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.

  • Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.

On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.

2
Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

If your argument is that eligible men that are prone to reward it are out there but are fewer in number than in earlier times for various reasons, I agree with you. However, if it is that female agreeableness has somehow lost its value even among men that are open to marriage because times have changed, then I disagree. And I think that female agreeableness is generally as rewarded by parents and children as ever.

If we’re specifically discussing the scenario where an ambitious young middle-class or upper-class woman wants to have a fancy career and get dream promotions, then her agreeableness will indeed be punished.

I mean that agreeableness, in the Big 5 sense, is a core personality trait, which affects things like

  • How likely is she to let her baby cry it out, vs practice gentle parenting?
  • How likely is she to get involved with trying to protect immigrant families from ICE, and shame people who disagree (more likely if agreeable in Big 5 sense)
  • Is she going to have sex with men even when she doesn't want to, then feel upset about it afterwards (more likely if agreeable)
  • Will she stand up for herself at work? Why would you think this is only a striver concern? Plenty of people have to negotiate with their bosses, or they'll end up terribly stressed out over trivial stuff. There are plenty of bosses in low end service jobs who will abuse their servers or cashiers it the employees allow it. Will she quit if she needs to?
  • In some cultures: will she become the slave of her mother in law?
  • Once married, will she tell her husband what she really wants when their interests conflict, or will she just do what he wants but quietly be upset about it?

In the short term, perhaps these traits are "rewarded" with more romantic interest and attention. But in the long term, women who are very agreeable need to learn to be more assertive, or they become the kind of person who's always taking shit in person, then writing self pitying screeds behind your back.

I man can "reward" her with romance, but then in the medium to long term fail to reciprocate by guessing her true desires and responding accordingly. Having to guess all the time can be frustrating.