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Spicy AF take, and one that I fully agree with! A lot of parents will say that kids are worth it overall in some metaphysical sense, even while they complain constantly about all the object-level problems kids cause. I've heard a lot of parents claim that you only like kids after they've been born, that your body flips a switch or something and forces you to be happy about them. Maybe this is true for some people, but it kind of sounds like a combination of cope + reciting the only socially acceptable line. What, are people going to say "no, I wish I didn't have kids"? I've pressed a few parents in private and it has sort of seemed like they angle that way, although they'll never explicitly say anything like it since that makes it sounds like they don't love their kids.
It's almost certain that the increasing quality of childless life in terms of entertainment is a big contributor. I don't think a lot of people remember how boring everything was even just 20-30 years ago, but now we have an endless stream of high-quality entertainment constantly at our fingertips. With that competition, kids frequently get bumped off the to-do list. A lot of people would like to have them as a "feather in the cap" sort of achievement, but they require an absurd amount of commitment relative to literally anything else that the opportunity costs are just too great.
I've dealt with mild depression for most of my teen and adult life.
Not suicidal. I just have vivid memories of sitting in my highschool parking lot and wondering why the fuck I was here. Contemplating filling up a tank of gas leaving town and driving as far as the car would take me. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of "what the hell would I do when I got far away?" Same old bullshit of course.
Same thing when I started working a job. Just wanting to stay at a bar and pound beers because wtf was the point of anything, and being drunk was slightly fun.
Social situations all felt stupid and fake. Working out to stay in shape seemed like a waste of time, as long as I didn't get too fat my life would be easy enough.
Life with kids just feels different. I've never contemplated leaving. A few days not around the kids and I miss them. Jobs to support them feel easier to go to. Staying in shape so I can live longer and have energy to be around them seems like a no brainer. Social situations that would have been painful without them have a lubricant of talking about the kids, and I find myself happy to build social connections that can help them.
It's not as dramatic as "kids saved my life". But it is as dramatic as "kids gave my life a purpose".
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