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PaperclipPerfector  1d ago (text post)   1061 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for February 27, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Maybe better suited for Wellness Wednesday, but had a key realization about myself this morning. Went on a date with a med student Wednesday that I was not all that enthused about, despite her ticking all the on paper boxes. I was talking about this to my roommate, and he pointed out that there's no obligation for me to go another date with this person, and I fired back that I need to give people more of a chance if I want to get married and raise a family. He then replied that it doesn't seem like I'm actually deeply interested in that right now. And I think he's right: I like my life, my friends, my activities and independence, and having a partner and a family would compromise most of that. I only feel like I want those things because I feel pressure from my parents and from society (and weddings and the like) to not be single. I don't actually want to be in a relationship, at least not just to be in one.

I've done a lot of bitching and moaning about dating on this forum, and I think this morning I realized that the main problem actually comes from within me. I'm not actually very interested in dating for datings sake, and the only reason I pursue these things is because of pressure from society, and people telling me I need to be in a long-term relationship before I'm 30-35 or I'm completely cooked. Of course I'm not going to have success because in my heart of hearts I don't actually want it.

My understanding is that the vast majority of people need a life partner in order to be fulfilled and happy throughout their life. It is a deeply ingrained human instinct to want a partner, and sex, and children, because evolution means everyone historically who didn't have these died without passing on their genes.

This does not make it universal (otherwise gay people couldn't exist). Psychology is complicated, genes are not deterministic, and once you've unpacked from a genetic code into an actual human being, you should treat your own actual self as more important than whatever evolution originally intended for you to do.

I would definitely be highly skeptical of any desires that go against it. I got married but we decided not to have kids and I am slightly paranoid that 20 years from now I'm going to regret it. But I can't imagine me right now doing a good job of it if I don't actually want it, so that's not enough to change my mind.

I also can't imagine a me who never dated or got married. Actually yes I can, I would be lonely, just like I was for the decade before I met my wife. I have always wanted to fall in love and get married, for as long as I can remember as a child. Which is to say, I can't relate to your experience. And that might speak to a fundamental difference. You might actually be happier alone. I'm skeptical, maybe you just haven't met the right person. But it seems plausible.

I think it's that I haven't met the right person and deliberately dating is not going to be the way for me to the meet the right person. Rather I think I'll meet the person who I want to spend a lot of time with by being social and meeting new people doing things I enjoy.

If your hobbies work that way then that might work. I am a massive introvert, I like staying home and playing videogames or board games, not going out to meet people. And my wife is that way too. I was never going to find her by going out and being social, and if I had picked up a new social hobby to meet people I would have mostly met people who like whatever that hobby is that I would be pretending to like.

I found her on a dating website. And it was painful, because I had to go through hundreds and hundreds of stupid normies and people looking for quick hookups, or just the wrong kinds of nerds. Luckily by being a weird nerd myself I screened off most of the people who were a bad fit pretty quickly, Despite looking for like 4 years I only ever went on one real life date prior to finding my wife. But I eventually found her and now we stay at home not doing external social things together.

I don't know how well that scales in general. That's what worked for me. But also I knew I wanted to find someone and I knew what I was looking for (as close to a female copy of me as possible, basically), so I went through a bunch of effort, and a lot of waiting, to make it happen.

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