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Bingo.
And for many I've noticed that realization doesn't kick in until their first big injury. Hopefully not a permanent one. Young dudes have that innate sense of invulnerability, and they bounce back from minor issues so quickly that the idea that they're one bad fall or headkick away from brain damage or at least an emergency room visit.
I have been insanely blessed to have been doing it as long as I have without being sidelined by a serious injury, but that would be because I've been very cognizant of that possibility, and I train accordingly. I have "let" guys with less experience than me win simply to avoid a situation where one of us would probably get hurt, or to not escalate the intensity to unsafe levels. Most of the time they simply don't have the knowledge to realize how easily they can get hurt. On rarer occasions they lack the self control to rein it in where needed.
Likewise, the worst injuries I've doled out are broken noses. I felt HORRIBLE about that in both cases, but in the grand scheme those are easily recoverable.
On the meta level this means finding a gym that selects for high conscientiousness.
I love the result of this typo being the trailing off "I've never suffered brain damage or...anyway..."
So much of it comes down to pride, and lack of communication which is mostly downstream from pride. When I get hurt, it's always ego standing in the way of just saying "Yeah I can't do that" or "Yeah I'm just going to tap here, not from a sub but because my leg is in a weird spot." The problem is removing ego from losing, while still drawing motivation from winning.
I know you're far deeper into it than I am, and it's a different ruleset, but for me my BJJ started to get a lot better when I realized that I didn't want to hurt my partner, and just removed all the moves I deem "too dangerous" or "rude" from my repertoire. I don't do heel hooks, I don't do throat posts, I don't do neck cranks, I don't do anything flying or rolling, I don't slam anybody. I stick to slow, even, cautious application of basics. I give my opponents tons of time to tap because I have the sub sunk. This works so much better for me, because when I try something risky, I double clutch trying to make sure not to hurt my opponent, and then I lose the whole thing. I never get a heel hook because I'm trying to do it too slow. Where a straight ankle, I'm confident my opponent is going to tap to discomfort before they break anything important. I never manage to finish wrestling shots live, because I'm worrying about not slamming my opponent and then I lose it, but I can do slide-bys or arm drags all day. I never finish guillotines with a guard pull, but I can use the position to take the back.
I'm hoping to one day reach a level of confidence where I can reintegrate some of that into my game. I still drill it, but letting go of it live and focusing on things I'm confident in really improved my rolls.
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