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I love the result of this typo being the trailing off "I've never suffered brain damage or...anyway..."
So much of it comes down to pride, and lack of communication which is mostly downstream from pride. When I get hurt, it's always ego standing in the way of just saying "Yeah I can't do that" or "Yeah I'm just going to tap here, not from a sub but because my leg is in a weird spot." The problem is removing ego from losing, while still drawing motivation from winning.
I know you're far deeper into it than I am, and it's a different ruleset, but for me my BJJ started to get a lot better when I realized that I didn't want to hurt my partner, and just removed all the moves I deem "too dangerous" or "rude" from my repertoire. I don't do heel hooks, I don't do throat posts, I don't do neck cranks, I don't do anything flying or rolling, I don't slam anybody. I stick to slow, even, cautious application of basics. I give my opponents tons of time to tap because I have the sub sunk. This works so much better for me, because when I try something risky, I double clutch trying to make sure not to hurt my opponent, and then I lose the whole thing. I never get a heel hook because I'm trying to do it too slow. Where a straight ankle, I'm confident my opponent is going to tap to discomfort before they break anything important. I never manage to finish wrestling shots live, because I'm worrying about not slamming my opponent and then I lose it, but I can do slide-bys or arm drags all day. I never finish guillotines with a guard pull, but I can use the position to take the back.
I'm hoping to one day reach a level of confidence where I can reintegrate some of that into my game. I still drill it, but letting go of it live and focusing on things I'm confident in really improved my rolls.
Same. The two big realizations that I try to instill in students regarding intensity:
You learn much faster when its "playful" than if its aggressive as if both parties are fighting for their life. The stress response actually inhibits your recall and interrupts the ideal 'flow state' for learning.
Getting injured means you can't train. The cost isn't just the injury itself, its the weeks or months you aren't able to work on your technique. You have so little to gain from going all out (in practice), why could it possibly be worth it?
I've got a whole bag of tricks that I only pull out if I'm sparring someone of equal experience, or an opportunity to use one safely is just blatantly presented to me.
Otherwise, I spend about 1/4 of my attention defensively watching out for wild, unexpected moves from the partner since I'm the one who'll get injured if I eat an errant spinning backfist or an unintentional elbow.
Its like they say, a white belt is arguably more dangerous than someone with moderate training since their lack of experience means they throw stuff wildly and without regard for either their or your safety, and they won't even know why something is unsafe, much less how to control it.
Likewise with the newbies, if I can get to a position where I COULD do something that would absolutely wreck their day, I'll 'symbolically' perform the motion to initiate it, but usually just give them the opportunity to escape. And they won't realize how bad their position was had I been intending to do them harm. Big one I do try to point out is people who turn away from a roundhouse kick and present their back. I usually give them a little tap with my foot and then explicitly call attention to the fact that taking a hard kick to the spine or tailbone is both painful and dangerous.
Reflexive modesty is a better habit than bragadoccio, methinks. The guy who rubs it in is more likely to get embarrassingly humbled. Still, be willing to have confidence in your abilities.
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