Normally I'd put this in the Wednesday wellness thread but I'm in a bit of a crisis here so I figured I'd crowdsource some wisdom from the Motte. My wife is bipolar and also a bit of an alcoholic. For most of the ten years we've been together, her drinking has been in the gray zone of "probably drinks a little more than she should." When she drinks past a certain point, she tends to get real mean. Anyway, over the past several weeks it seems like both her mood and her drinking have gotten worse. On Sunday evening she had a full-on drunken meltdown, screaming at me, expressing suicidal ideation, etc. She slept all day monday, then woke me up at 3AM Tuesday morning, drunk again, and again expressing what seemed to me like suicidal ideation. I had to go to work so after she finally went to sleep around 830 AM, I wrote her a long note confronting the issue. I get home and she basically refuses to talk to me. I should mention that most of the conversations are happening over text because we have a small child and also an in-home nurse who helps with childcare. I text that if she doesn't want to talk about it, I'm going to get a hotel once we get our child down so I can clear my head. Anyway, I've finished putting the child down for the night, I come out, and her care is gone. Nurse doesn't know where she went and it doesn't look like she's getting my texts. What do I do? Call the cops? Seek a psychiatric hold? I don't really know, it feels like the situation is escalating way faster than I can deal with it and my attempts to address the problem are only making things worse.
EDIT: I got a hold of her on the phone and she was sober, rational, and promised not to do anything "irreversible" (my word). She said she'd be back in time for me to go to work. I agree that long-term changes will need to be made - its what I've been pushing for - and I think its more likely that she'll accept that if I give her a modicum of space to process than having it forced on her, however tempting that possibility. I don't have any texts to show the cops (she didn't really respond to any of my texts so it would only show a one-sided conversation) and I suspect my City PD will other priorities than trying to track down her car over a quite wide possible search area. So I am going to take a calculated risk and take her at her word. Thank you to everyone who responded. I will try to follow up in a day or two here for everyone who took the time to help.
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OP - I will not read your comment, if I read your comment I'll be somewhat constrained in what kind of advice I can give.
I did read the other comments, so I can say this generically about crisis resources:
-You can always call 911. 911 is not just the police, it's a consolidated place to access crisis resources. This is easy to forget with all the anti-police rhetoric and so on but it's an option. In small towns responders will be less practiced but they will be far more local. In large places they'll be very practiced even if they are unhelpful.
Realistically the worst thing that can happen is they'll give you another number to call and hang up. Not a bad outcome.
Sidebar: 988 exists, it's the psychiatric version of 911. Not sure how helpful it would be for this use case but it's good for patients to be aware.
-Most people don't know a psychiatrist, but most people know a nurse or a doctor. Assuming it's a reasonable hour for your relationship you can call and ask for more local specific advice, advice for this specific situation, and so on. If it is someone who doesn't really know (like say, an ortho surgeon or a new grad nurse) they will usually know somebody they can reach out to for more specifics.
-Crisis Centers/Hospitals: Much more variable but many jurisdictions in the U.S. will have mental health specific resources that can be contacted for wellness checks and the like. Sometimes this is as easy as calling the local ED and asking for the Psych ED. Sometimes you google "country psychiatric screening center" and you get a specific 24/7 number for your jurisdiction.
-If the person has a doctor and a bunch of other things line up right (like it being business hours) you can call the office. In a pinch you can call an unrelated doctor's office and ask for local psych resources which is rudeish but completely reasonable.
I saw one of the other poster's mention bipolar. Most people who say they have bipolar do not actually have bipolar. If someone really has bipolar it's important to have a conversation with them when they are well compensated about their wishes for when they are ill. They might not agree when ill, but at least you can attempt to carry out their wishes. If not bipolar - it's important to get a "real" diagnosis, with treatment and therapy resources.
Two caveats:
-Calling for help when someone is unwell can create a lot of angst. If it persists when the crisis is over, you need to have a conversation.
-"Help" has some obligations with respect to welfare of children, threats to a person's life, and so on. These are usually very narrow but they do exist. This should NEVER stop you from calling for help, but you should be aware of this.
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