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I’m not disputing that something is broken in a system where guys who round to average and aren’t doing anything wrong need to go to foreignstan to find a wife often enough for it to be a discussed phenomenon(to be perfectly fair, this system isn’t great for women either). Just saying that ‘incels’ aren’t an actual thing- they don’t ’just Want a wife’, those are available assuming these guys aren’t just, giant losers, and basement dwellers wouldn’t have been married in 1955 either(there were just fewer of them). The craving for validation from a specific kind of woman is a different phenomenon entirely, and while it’s not entirely unprecedented it’s also… look, these guys want to be rock stars. It’s not a totally natural response to circumstances, thé history of loveless men is pretty long and it tends to look like broadening thé search pool, not like endless public whining about the need to restructure society completely.
I think you're understating the effect of being neurotic/intensely spectrumed. I've got a family friend who's a very brilliant (Major international awards) academic mathematician but socially incapable who essentially got adopted by his wife in high school in rural Australia 40 years ago and now has a bunch of sons who have not fallen far from the tree.
The sons haven't been able to get into academia since they're cis hetero whites and they're intensely struggling to find productive employment and/or girlfriends since the dating app and job app realm is fucking brutal for a nerdy white autist. Longterm I'd expect they probably find partners born overseas due to the market and cultural dynamics, but it does seem downright deranged how hard it is for them to get meaningfully on any ladder. Their father's a genius but I also don't think he'd be doing particularly better if he were in his twenties circa 2020.
I mean, unemployed, uneducated men with poor social skills are losers though.
They're educated, heavily so. They just didn't have a meaningful pathway into professional academia as a result of having no diversity points and part of my point is that the characteristics that would have landed them somewhat comfortably 20-30 years ago just haven't really had any purchase in dating or job markets.
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Any one of those three is sufficient to cause the problem. Especially the last. It's just a tautology, if they're an 'incel' they must be a 'loser' with poor social skills, or they wouldn't be an incel.
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I had an Australian Indian friend. His dad went to one of the best universities in India via scholarship, moved to Australia and is among the top rated neurosurgeons in the entire country. Absolute narcissist though. Verbally and physically abused his son to a point where his mom (who was abusive herself) took him and his sister away. The sister was adored by both their parents, turned out fine, got an arranged marriage and moved to Singapore where she recently had a son. My friend seemed like he didn't fall far from the tree when we were growing up but... he sorta turned out okay. Above average intelligence, normal job, okay social life, level headed. Unsure about his dating life though.
Indians have effective social technology to deal with this issue via arranged marriage of awkward guys who have their shit together and would have no chance in the 'dating market'. I've got good Indian friends with decent jobs and who've had arranged marriages in the last couple years who happily acknowledge this fact and thank their many gods that the system is in place.
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When I look around at a lot of couples, I see examples of people who I think have a wrong headed attitude to what a relationship is and should be. Two crackheads can stay together forever, but that isn't the kind of thing that makes up a good relationship. Even mutual interests isn't sufficient for the things that matter. At some point, the honeymoon phase is over. You know all their stories. You're with them at their best and you're also going to slog through things with them at their worst. Just because people are in relationships doesn't at all mean they're happy or functional and fulfilled. And frankly when it comes to your obligations to your wife/husband/children, your happiness can kiss my ass and go right out the window as far as I'm concerned. If the choice is between your family or your happiness, there's only 1 correct answer to that question; and only in healthy relationships are those 2 the same thing.
Most guys I know don't want what it is you're describing. They are intelligent, industrious and very hard working people who want a fairly simple life and were raised in and for a social model that's been out of vogue for almost a century now. We no longer live in a family society. We live in an individual society that isn't conducive to the former. Either economically or socially.
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