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Why do a lot of women not like acknowledging the practical aspects of dating? By this I mean that women appear to be put off by me simply discussing:
Of course I'm not discussing these topic with women I'm trying to actually date, I'm not that autistic. But if you're trying to actually find a partner to settle down and have kids with, how do you not take all of these into account? Not only does it reek of impracticality, but on an even deeper level, it appears that any attempt to practically model the dating world at all produces a negative female reaction.
(Maybe it's because some of these women don't ever intend on having kids and therefore don't ever have to be realistic about dating.)
Men talking about dating in a strategic manner or discussing it as a market-based supply/demand-driven matching process ruins women’s Disneyian notion of courtship and romance as a FUN, magical process that Just Happens. Courtship and romance are things that Just Happen to women like acts of God while they passively exist, so there’s no feedback cycle to disabuse them of such a notion aside from the possible exception of men talking about it.
On top of the fun and magic aspect, women are quite sensitive about 1) signaling and protecting their own personal Wonderfulness and 2) signaling and protecting the Wonderfulness of women as a whole. Men discussing dating in a practical manner may say things that are perceived to be unflattering to women’s Wonderfulness.
Kind of like how, in talking with a four-year-old about how presents get under the Christmas tree, explaining supply chain logistics and household finances takes the fun and magic out of it. The child will actually feel better about and be more satisfied with some platitudes involving elves, Santa Claus, reindeer, and chimneys. At least children aren’t as sensitive about their personal wonderfulness or the wonderfulness of children as a whole, so such discussions are easier to navigate.
Men discussing and/or practicing looksmaxxing is toxic, problematic, and misogynistic as it implies that women are shallow and primarily value appearance. In contrast, if women spend a lot of their effort and energy on makeup and clothing it’s because they’re victims of a misogynistic culture that Socializes them into thinking they’re only valued for their appearance.
Additionally, women want naturals, not someone who looksmaxxed their way to trick some poor woman into dating an imposter. See, for example, how much the thought of men getting limb-lengthening surgery (or even just wearing lifts) triggers ick and seethe in women. Or the thought of men strategically exploiting social media to inspire female mate-choice copying (which totally doesn’t exist by the way, since everyone knows women are strong and independent thinkers and could never fall for such a thing).
Relatedly, women hate the thought of men grinding approaches to gain EXP, or grinding approaches/shotgunning messages to play the numbers game. Surely each woman is infinitely unique in her Wonderfulness and women cannot be treated like hack-and-slashing monsters for item drops in a video game.
Many women get butthurt that a large part of women’s bargaining power with men for long-term relationships and marriage is the prospect of children. Women are clearly so Wonderful that men should want a lifelong commitment with them even without such a prospect. He’s TA if he wants biochildren when he can just adopt or enjoy the privilege of being with her without children in the picture (ugh, stupid men and mUh lEgAcY). Women also don’t like reminders that having their FUN and FREEDOM when they’re young before settling down after they’ve Had Their Fun can have opportunity costs—or that their desirability in general goes down with age, such as illustrated by the infamous OKCupid graph or the Bruch-Newman paper.
It makes sense when you think of the genetics. The guy who used surgery and lifts to look tall will still have short-person genes, which will hurt her legacy in the long term (or at least, be associated with things that hurt her legacy). The tall genes last forever. Same reason men would prefer a woman who's naturally beautiful over a woman who uses tons of makeup and cosmetic surgery to "fix" her looks.
I've noticed this cliche and also the mirror cliche in both sexes where men/women will tend to praise other men/women for looking good in ways that are the results of effort, not genetics. E.g. men will praise other men for successfully bulking up at the gym, whereas women will praise men for having a "great personality," and women will praise other women for doing such a bang-up job with their make-up, while men will praise women for having big, natural tits. I think there's a heavy influence of selfish interest in both sexes here, where if you can bootstrap your way into convincing the other sex (or at least bullying them at least long enough for you to escape the game) that [effort-based] rather than [genes-based] (everything is based on both, of course, and this is a matter of degree) things are greater contributors to one's attractiveness, then you individually have more control over your own destiny.
This is just politeness. It's rude to rub it in that you just have some fundamental flaws that cannot be improved. So people focus on the things you can change. Also praising makes sense in relation to stuff you did. You expended effort and achieved a positive result, that's laudable. You deserve no cookies for how your face looks or similar. "Anyone can achieve anything" is the western (or rather just American) myth. Nurture over nature, growth mindset etc. It sounds warm and cozy, a just world, up in the fluffy clouds. Talking about the dirty reality down here is just ugly and a vibe killer. Other cultures are much more matter-of-fact about these realities.
No one's talking about rubbing anything in here. The conversation is about praising others.
Why not? Someone having a prettier face due to luck of genetics makes things more pleasant for others around them, almost by definition. If such people receive praise that they value, that provides incentive for such people to show their faces more often than those who aren't genetically lucky, which makes the lives of those around them, including my own, better.
But even before we get into the logic of incentives, by default I'm going to praise people based on how I appraise them. Proving you can accomplish things with effort is one way of raising my appraisal of you, but also proving that you are genetically gifted in a way that makes my life more pleasant is another way. This is why, again, women praise men for things like being tall and assertive and men praise women for things like having big, natural tits. They don't care about how much effort these people put into accomplishing these things, they just care about the effect they have on themselves.
People praise each other for succeeding at hard stuff. Men also praise men for building a cool shed or doing cool skateboard tricks or whatever else.
Among each other or to the man? Towards him, it's a signal he should keep up the way he is treating her, not to get too lazy comfortable, thinking that his physical appearance will carry him all the way.
It's effort and taste, again. Praise is feedback to keep up up the good work. Positive reinforcement. There's not much to reinforce about how good you are at being tall again today.
In their face? Not the best strategy unless you're already having sex. Or among the boys? Don't women also fawn about a guy in non-personality ways when among trusted female friends?
I'm not sure what the point of your comment here is, because all your points seem entirely orthogonal to the phenomenon I talked about. So I'll just directly answer the direct questions that were in your comment.
It's probably not the best strategy, but it's absolutely a very common one, and for good reason. Men complimenting women for their great figure or other genetically-determined aspects of their physical appearance, such as their "big beautiful eyes" as part of flirting is pretty much cliche.
AND among the boys, not OR, though in all-male settings, they'll often feel more free to use crude language, such as using the phrase "tits."
I'm not a woman, so I lack any meaningful insight into this, but I'd guess that this is probably the case.
It's a big faux-pas to comment on women's tits in a mixed environment, creepy drunk uncle territory, it's like construction guys catcalling and whistling-territory. Eyes work because eyes are emotionally expressive, it's the window to the soul. You can similarly compliment her smile, but not her thick lush lips, unless you're already having sex or petting.
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