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If it makes you feel better I actually cheated on behalf of a younger cousin.
Years ago before ChatGPT was a thing, she approached me one day yelling, “Cousinnn! Please I need your help!,” begging me to write her finals essay that was due literally the very next day (that she hadn’t even started… at the end of the school year…), which took the form of arguing a position on a particular issue. So I sat down at her computer that night and spun out a 12 or so page essay, properly formatted, footnoted, the whole 9 yards for her to turn in tomorrow.
Turned out she didn’t even read the original assignment at all; she was too busy partying the whole school year. One of the requirements of this specific essay was that it had to be read, explained and argued out loud, in class, on the day. When the day came and her friends were all sharing what they wrote, they looked at hers and said “there’s no way you wrote this…” She was insistent that she did. But she got up to read hers aloud, she was slowly pronouncing words, and later texted me and says, “what the hell are you saying!?” I told her “Just hold your head high no matter what! Act like nothing, 😤.”
The teacher wanted her to stay after class and demanded to know where she plagiarized it from. She said she didn’t, she wrote the whole thing and it took her a lot of time. Then they said they’re going to thoroughly research where she got it from and she was going to get an F. The word I later got back was that the teacher was frustrated and mad as hell because they couldn’t figure out where it was plagiarized from (it wasn’t plagiarized, it was original work; I wrote the whole damn thing), and he gave her an F on it anyway. She was so upset she took it to the administration and got it reversed so she was able to get a passing grade for the class; but I was pissed off if the teacher was going to fail me, I wanted to walk in there myself and demand a passing grade; because I was damn proud of my work.
I have to ask, in hindsight, were you trying to fail your cousin? Because it's pretty funny.
No, I was seriously supporting her to get her to pass (which she did); since her lax attitude throughout the school year left everything hanging in the balance with how she performed on this final assignment. I’d already been out of high school for years at this time, but I was just winging it and found the assignment a breeze. It didn’t even occur to me to write it in such a way that would seem like it came out of her mouth. When she read it she was pronouncing words like “genes” as “gen… iss…,” etc.
Just curious then, why help her at all? Does enabling a family member who partied all year and asks for your help the night before on an important paper seem like it would be good for her in the long run? What would be the worst case scenario for her without help, being expelled from her high school or repeating her grade level?
It seems you reinforced a lesson that lying and plagarism can make up for a consistent work ethic? And that when she gets caught she should double down in denial no matter how obvious the deception?
The inability to pronounce genes is just terribly funny though.
Short answer (don’t seek a justification in this response, only an answer), because biology overwhelms logic at every turn. I have no logical argument against that because I agree with you. But she’s my cousin and I love her; and that overrides everything else. We’ve always had a very close relationship and I’ve viewed her as a younger sister I was bailing out. We’ve been partners in crime like this all of our lives and had each others backs, so to speak. Does it help long-term? Not at all. My strongest support for her has been to support her family and kids (now some of my youngest cousins). And she’s quite successful professionally now. I’ve helped her through school, building resumes, coaching her, etc. So she’s learned a ‘lot’ over the years.
Makes sense. Women do good with an older brother figure, especially if the dad is checked out or otherwise absent. That she was allowed to even party hard in the first place makes it seem as if one or both of her parents were not that involved in her education.
My friend's cousin in the strip club, her dad killed himself early on in her life and her mom is also a party girl. There was no older male relative to have her back, so her life got messed up. Last time I saw her she was clearly on meth and dropped out of a full scholarship in state college to strip for a customer base of lonely, desperate men. The men she met there were mostly of low quality (gamblers, dealers, etc), and the higher quality men were not looking for something long term with her.
Her father was not someone I particularly liked and her mother was like a big sister to me when I was younger but as she got older, she took to behaviors that I felt were too neglectful of her kids; and I didn’t like it. We grew more distant with time. With her kids though, we’ve been rock solid since they could speak. I never saw it as a woman’s job to undergo serious intellectual labor unless they wanted to choose that path; in which case I’d also have supported her full speed ahead. But that wasn’t the route she wanted. She wanted to be a mom. Make no mistake, she’s a very intelligent and capable girl, but, she was also like a lot of other girls her age. Bailing her out of one particular trying circumstance didn’t lead me to think she wasn’t getting an education, because I knew she was even if she wasn’t focused on it like the geek that I am. If she wasn’t family and was a stranger that lived across the street, our social circles likely never would’ve crossed paths with each other, but ours were always an integral part of the other because we’re family, I’ll sideline everything for my family. When one group calls on the other, you answer the call.
Really sucks for your friend’s cousin. She likely would’ve benefitted with positive male role models. That’s why I have negative attitudes of people who grow up with family but don’t seem to respect the institutions that sanctify it because they take it for granted. I would kill to have biological children of my own and when I see parents not active in their kids lives it’s depressing because they should be directly at the center of it, trying to uplift and support them.
For my friend's cousin, I tried to point out to her what a mess of her life she was making by working at the strip club. Initially she was just a cashier/hostess but she was obviously being groomed to be a stripper. I wasn't successful in pointing this out though, and I was also not willing to take on the big brother or dad role she obviously needed. I had my own issues to fix at the time.
Some problems are not yours to solve. All you can do is lay out the facts before them. Whether they walk through the door or not is up to them. I’ve been in the same boat with people before. I don't like lecturing and condescending down to people but there have been times where I’ve had to take a real hard line with someone.
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