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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   21520 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of May 25, 2026

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It ought to be a truth universally acknowledged- although of course it isn't- that those who have lots of boy/girl friends are for the most part those possessing of the necessary sanguinity in temperament to generally attain to a high degree of success in all of the more ordinary tasks of social intercourse besides, and that these must be acknowledged as more desirable for all the normal reasons. It furthermore ought- although it often isn't- to be acknowledged that these chaste virgins sitting on the sidelines do not particularly want to date and marry Clav, their Mr Darcy may bear physical resemblance to him but is entirely unlike him in other ways.

But all that being said, there really is a large premium for social skills paid in all social tasks, including the mating game. To the sexually frustrated men reading this- go out and socialize. That alone explains a huge portion of this gap- do you think Justinian found Theodora's sexual history incredibly appealing, or Pericles Aspasia's, or Napoleon Josephine's? No, they wanted someone they could interact with as a friend rather than the stereotypical prissy upper-class wife of the day.

Go out and socialize is too vague an instruction for men who need help doing so.

My advice is to find pro-social hobbies that are done in small group settings that also appeal to women. Preferably a hobby with physical exertion or exercise. Try different hobbies and stick with ones you honestly like. Develop expertise and volunteer for leadership or teaching roles once you develop expertise.

So hiking clubs and yoga are better than chess, poker, and car meet ups. Avoid hobbies that do not interest single women.

I didn’t say ‘go out and socialize’ as a blueprint for meeting women. I said ‘go out and socialize’ because social skills are important and take work to build up. Yes, swing dancing will get you closer to your goal of female companionship slightly faster, but MMA is likely still progress in that direction.

MMA is likely still progress in that direction.

MMA still very boys club and the sort of women that tend to go into it are a bit crazy. I've found that BJJ's starting to get more female participation, though, and a bunch of guys I know who I always kinda assumed were too autistic to function in the dating realm have actually managed to find random white belt girlfriends in recent years which is good for them.

What part of 'Go out and socialize because social skills are important and take work to build up' did you not understand? Lonely men should socialize including for non-meeting women purposes. Swing dancing happens to kill two birds with one stone, but MMA still helps to teach social interactions and being normal. No seriously social skills and confidence are make or break for male romantic success, that's why you see these men who are fat, slovenly, and poor who are ladykillers.

I agree to a degree though also feel like there's also an issue if the space you're choosing to push into is overwhelmingly male, and that's also part of why the dating rate is doing poorly since a lot more hobbies are now just leaning to either extreme of gender participation. Most of the successful MMA dating stories I've seen firsthand as somebody who spends time in those gyms were 'Random anglo converts to fairly-radical Islam due to social network in the gym and ends up with a nice girl who I've never seen more than the eyes of', which I guess is some sort of gesture towards social widening helping?

Again, I am not saying that social activities for the graceless should be conducted with the intent of meeting women, they should be conducted with the intent of improving social skills, and then go to book clubs or something.

With the caveat that there's very little empirical support for any of this, I'd say that this sort of advice is generally wrongheaded. Scott Alexander wrote on SlateStarCodex, IIRC, a very long time ago about how some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques seemed to have metaphorically "gotten into the water supply," such that using them on people actually in therapy became less effective, because they had already gotten the vast majority of the benefits that come from using them. I'd guess, for the vast majority of the populace, especially among the male and romantically unsuccessful, this basic advice is something they've heard and implemented plenty.

I'd guess I interact more with incels than most people by nature of being a nerd who interacts with anime/video game fans, and the vast majority of them simply don't lack the types of social skills that get developed from engaging in social activities all the time (some certainly do, though - though in those cases, I'd guess that they're intrinsically resistant to the technique). They dress well, are well-groomed, can hold good conversation without going into autistic ramblings, make decent money, and are usually not awful-looking (though probably somewhat below average?). They can barely even get matches, much less first dates, much even less second ones. There's something else they're missing.

I suspect Aspasia's line of work did appeal somewhat to Pericles. He had a side that enjoyed a little rakish scandalizing (particularly in the Socratic tradition, which is at pains to show that Alcibiades didn't get his villainy from Socrates, but it's also evident in Plutarch).

I'll also note that in my experience this question of sexual history goes away somewhat on a psychological level if you as a guy rack up a high body count and some confidence in your skills in bed, and leveling up social skills is a first step to that.

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