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PaperclipPerfector  2d ago (text post)   6068 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of May 25, 2026

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I do not observe that the message sent to men is "be a manservant to all women you know", either.

The message sent is to be kind, considerate, etc. Would you agree that there are acts which might be considered "kind" or "considerate" but would also fall into the category of "mildly demeaning," such as holding a purse?

I wouldn't thinking of holding someone's purse as a central example of being kind or considerate, no. I can't recall ever doing that for someone, or asking anyone to do it for me, the whole thing about purses is that they're portable.

I wouldn't thinking of holding someone's purse as a central example of being kind or considerate, no.

I'm not sure I understand your point. You are saying that holding someone's purse for them (upon request) is not something which is "kind" or "considerate"?

It would depend on context. If another woman asked me to hold her purse because she thought she was above me, then no it would not be unkind or inconsiderate to refuse. But if there was a good reason, then yes.

It would depend on context. If another woman asked me to hold her purse because she thought she was above me, then no it would not be unkind or inconsiderate to refuse. But if there was a good reason, then yes.

Well, I don't know if you are a man or a woman. But let's suppose that you are a man; for whatever reason you are at the same event as a woman you know (but aren't close to); you are talking; and she asks you to hold her purse while she goes to the ladies' room. Do you think it would be "kind" to hold her purse for her?

That seems like the wrong way to evaluate that interaction. It would be rude of the man to refuse, but is also rude of the woman to ask. I would think a bit less of her for asking, and perhaps also less of the man for refusing if he does it in an awkward way, but positive if he does it in a funny way.

That seems like the wrong way to evaluate that interaction. It would be rude of the man to refuse, but is also rude of the woman to ask. I would think a bit less of her for asking, and perhaps also less of the man for refusing if he does it in an awkward way, but positive if he does it in a funny way.

Ok, so that means "yes," right?

No.

No.

Ok, just so we are clear, in the situation I described, if a man agrees to hold the woman's purse, it is NOT "kind" for him to do so. Right?

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There are. I'm not under the impression that there is no message at all that would teach boys that bending over backwards for everyone is not really good for them, though.

As the other poster said, I just don't recall being taught to be kind and considerate and thinking "I'm gonna fetch shit for girls". I was thinking more like, I dunno, holding the door for the person behind me.

There are.

Ok, which shows that men are sent a message which is misleading at best and false at worst.

As the other poster said, I just don't recall being taught to be kind and considerate and thinking "I'm gonna fetch shit for girls"

Good for you. Certainly there are a lot of men out there who (1) internalize the message to be nice; and (2) act nice in ways which undermine their success with women.

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