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PaperclipPerfector  6d ago (text post)   2597 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 21, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

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This is a dumb "question" I'm just flabbergasted in a low key situation. Going to Mexico for my wife's friend's wedding. Taking my small kids, gonna be something...

Happens to be down in Mexico for Mexico's first World Cup knock out match. I don't like soccer it's for the poor's but this is falls under "few in a life time opportunities" in my mind. The one guy I kind of know on the trip turned me down going out to watch the game (at a bar, or sport garden) because he hates crowds and sports. I've always struggled not to judge this guy as a loser (sulks around and whines a lot), this really doesn't help. Literally I don't think any other person I know would turn down an invite like this. Am I being too harsh?

Why should he go? Sounds like negative utility to me. Straits-dwellers have a pejorative word for this behaviour: kiasu, which roughly translates to FOMO on steroids.

Seriously who cares if you’re cool or not only losers care about that.

A big part of why I'm taken aback is that, for me, it doesn’t take any thought. It’s a given: if you don’t have some other obligation, it’s what pretty much every other person I know in real life would do.

Yes, many truly cool people don’t put much thought into it. Though I have a strong suspicion that even at the highest levels - naturals like elite athletes included - they’re putting more thought into it than people realize.

But alas, I am not effortlessly cool, I'm a naturally a loser. How does one go form loser to not loser. I don’t see a clear path from loser to not-loser without thinking through some of these things, even if truly “cool” remains out of reach. Maintaining social circles takes effort if you’re not naturally cool - and even for most people who are. Cool extroverts may enjoy the effort, which makes it easier, but it’s still effort. I believe this is even more important in the face of modernity and with younger generations.

Of course, being a try-hard is the death of cool. I won’t list my escapades (that would be try-hard), but I rarely seek them out purely for their own sake. I’m already doing something and being somewhere, so I’ll put in the effort to seek out something “cool” to do. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t put thought and make deliberate choices in those circumstances.

So if I’m in Mexico, what’s the “coolest” experience I can have on a given day with very little extra effort? It’s giving myself the opportunity to be jumping up and down with a bunch of beautiful people, beer held high, chanting “Olé, Olé, Olé.” I can have a quiet cocktail (what was offered as an alternative) or read a book in bed any evening.

So if I’m in Mexico, what’s the “coolest” experience I can have on a given day with very little extra effort?

I knew a guy like this. He basically viewed doing "quirky" and "interesting" stuff like this as a way to present an interesting facade so that he'd have stuff to talk about with other people. Kind of like the guys who buy a Rolex as a "conversation starter". He was (and, I assume, still is) a total schmuck.

Anyway, point is that not everyone shares your view of what a good time is, and it's narcissistic to view this as some kind of personal sleight.

point is that not everyone shares your view of what a good time is

Obviously and I would even venture it's the vast majority of people.

it's narcissistic to view this as some kind of personal sleight.

I'm not so post-modern to think everyone's idea of a good time has equal value. Do I think this person is a degenerate for skipping out on an experience? Of course not. I will happily take them up on their offer of a quiet cocktail another night. If he asked me to game with him some night, or do a quick DnD campaign I would even though it's not my highest preference for an evening.

I'm not so post-modern to think everyone's idea of a good time has equal value.

TIL de gustibus non disputandum est is a postmodern sentiment.

Nevertheless it remains narcissistic to view his refusal to hang out with you through the lens of how it affects you.

Of course not. I will happily take them up on their offer of a quiet cocktail another night. If he asked me to game with him some night, or do a quick DnD campaign I would even though it's not my highest preference for an evening.

In all likelihood, he will never ask you to do this, though.

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