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PaperclipPerfector  1d ago (text post)   663 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 28, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

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I mean, I work in the mental health field, and I'll just say that when it comes to the therapeutic types, I've seen some real doozies myself, so when it comes to the part about finding a good therapist, that's a hard agree. I probably should have said that the quote in question was specifically about going to couples' counseling. And for bonus points, my wife is a therapist and that hasn't prevented or ameliorated deep fissures in our marriage, either, and when we went to couples' counseling, she honestly expected that it was going to be all about me and got resistant as soon as the therapist started looking at her side of the street. Turns out we're all subject to the funhouse mirror effect when looking at ourselves through the prism of our own minds, regardless of how objective we try to be.

Our (first marriage) therapist wanted to do a private session with each of us. To me she said, "So look, I've been doing this 25 years and we're trained to never, ever tell a couple that the problem is entirely with one person and the other is blameless... but, in your case..."

Her recommendation was that I start thinking about how to move on. Difficult with the baby and all but it did work out and I'm very happy now. Much younger, much prettier wife who adores me and gets pissed off when I suggest we take breaks between pregnancies.

Oof, I feel that. My wife actually ragequit our couples' counseling a few times in, and both that experience and subsequent work has reminded me that I'm not the problem. That said, I'm codependent autistically loyal and stubborn as hell so we've persisted, though during our second separation, I actually started letting go and moving on, though perhaps not so coincidentally, my wife ultimately reconsidered. In the meantime, I'm trying to build my own identity up outside of my job and my marriage so that I have enough of my own life to be balanced, with or without her.

And I suppose you're going to tell me your lobster is too buttery as well.

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