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Dear Emily Poast,
As I got out of my car after loading my kid into the car seat, I was accosted from behind by a boomer who accused me of scratching her car, parked next to mine. Now, I did indeed have my door touching her car, since the spot is pretty tight and even my small car's door couldn't open to the first door check before it touched the car next to it, and it was basically impossible to get into the back seat with an infant while preventing the door from opening too much.
As it turned out there was no scratch on her car but we discoursed for a few minutes on the acceptability of touching other cars with your car door in the parking lot. In my view this is perfectly acceptable, and especially in parking lots with narrow spots if you have an SUV you shouldn't expect your car to be untouchable, though of course slamming doors into cars is unacceptable. Her view was that contact is never acceptable and she informed me that she raised two kids without ever touching another car with her door.
Seeing that we had reached an impasse, I informed her that I disagreed and drove off. My wife doesn't believe I did anything wrong, but she herself would never touch another car with her door.
What do you think, Emily? Is it acceptable to touch another car with your car door?
— Well-formed
I think she is a liar. I would go so far as to say I doubt not only does she not choose parking spots so carefully as to never touch another door but, also, in the event she has previously found herself in a tight spot, or been provided no other clear option such as a major event, that I also accuse this woman as having never once backed out of a spot upon identifying it as a door-touching parking spot. I dare say, based upon your account, I believe this woman likely to be a most mendacious fabricator on the nature of her past behavior.
Now, on to the general matter of door touching. Door touching is ideally carried out as a covert act done under the shroud of secrecy, such that no man may perceive the act to accuse another of significant harm to their property whether by fault or misunderstanding. In the circumstances you have laid out, were you to consider confrontation unfortunate, perhaps you may have waited to extract your child after the goblin had ambled off to carry out her fiendish acts of greed. This, however, I do not see as a just act. For if you were already in the process of removing said noble heir fit would be most proper for another to await the tying of their steed until the completion of your deed, prior to encroachment on your space.
Ah, but in this case I was actually loading, not unloading, my heir. I did see that the boomer's daughter was sitting in the passenger seat as I reached my car, but the driver was nowhere in sight and the daughter was locked in (airpods in and phone on), so I figured I was good to go. Certainly if the car was about to leave I'd wait for them, especially because then I could just open the door as much as I liked.
Ah, my mistake. On reexamination this only strengthens your case. She is clearly responsible for door touching situation. Last in, large vehicle. You have a right to travel the king's road as any free man. What are you to do to avoid this contact? Announce your intent 3 times?
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