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This is the kind of post that scares people away from having children.
Provided that they want to keep the option of suicide open, I presume?
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Sometimes I think about what an alien sentiment this would be to someone from 150+ years ago. Children just happened, just like back pain and gray hairs. Except children laughed and learned, and you loved them.
I recognize this opinion is a dime a dozen here on this board where we all try to out-trad each other, but the older I get the more I think the Catholic doctrine might have this one right. The kind of sex that avoids the possibility of conception either sucks, or you've got your wife on a hormone regimen. The kind of sex required to conceive exactly when you want to conceive also sucks. It's joyless and mechanical. Slamming the switch on and off, from trying to avoiding to trying, feels like...I don't know...like putting a subtle but deep friction way deep down in your marriage.
In my marriage we disagreed on the timing of children. As a result we have some regrets that we resist lingering on, but I'm now convinced it probably shouldn't have been our choice to make. Who should want to accept the burden of a choice like that?
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As a parent myself, Good.
If you find the idea of living for someone other than yourself problematic, you're probably going to end up being a shitty parent.
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