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Does it make it any better that I'm willing to reciprocate in that regard?
I don't know how else to describe "don't go out and get any tattoos, drastic hairstyle changes, or plastic/cosmetic surgery without my approval somewhere in the loop."
The whole problem is that objectively speaking, a huge majority of women have chosen to be obese, wacky haircuts and hair colors, and tattoos and ever increasing numbers of piercings.
All are factors that make them look horrible.
And all this whilst marriage and relationship rates are in the toilet.
Why do you suppose that is?
You are supposed to look for women who value their husbands opinions, and they themselves don't value those things. Then give your opinion, but leave the ultimate decision authority to the individual. The problem is that what you've stated in this comment and the previous comment around "control" aren't really the same thing. This is pretty much the same thing as women who date abusive deadbeats, it's about vetting. You need to vet women for a propensity to do the above, and even if you have this meager dating pool, toss out the ones that would... have some standards.
Authentic choice is the most costly signal of all.
Ain't that the truth.
This is more of an aside, but it’s tangentially related to signaling problems.
Women who are trad lifestyle oriented are looking for signals that predict convergences to negative outcomes for their specific locality’s. Global red flags are a thing but local, contextual red flags are more tightly watched for. When you talk about control you evoke that local contextual red flag for trad behavior. Even if you never say it out loud those sort of ideas have a way of leaking into social responses that women are far more intuitive at picking up. I’d recommend you change your mindset about around it, let go of your own desires for control and converge to value-basis belief.
I never say it out loud in person with a woman I might be interested in.
I don't intend to change my mindset, when its everyone else's mindset that sucks.
If it were working for them, they wouldn't be in the same boat and also mentally worse off than I am.
Cognitive rigidity is a choice. You should get over it. You can be happy or you can be right, which would you prefer?
You might not say it around women you are interested in, but what about friends? Their partners? People talk, I’m not sure about your personal platonic ecosystem but are you really so spoilt for choice that you can afford to burn bridges and close doors of opportunity?
Trad women don’t want to date men who express controlling-abuse red flags, doing so puts them in a worse position. When you explain your thoughts it comes off much more mild, thus its a signaling problem.
Thus far I'm managing to be both.
Most people are managing neither, it would appear. I'm cognitively rigid insofar as my process has brought me towards what I actually want in life, and I see others processes do not.
Note, I may have a different overall set of priorities than the average person.
Which bridges and doors are you referring to?
People aren't getting in relationships at all these days. The doors have been closed already.
Its worst among the young. Nobody is reckoning with this in a meaningful way.
The whole problem is that whatever mindsets you're trying to talk me into has led to this disastrous landscape.
Why would I change MY mindset when I can directly observe that doing so doesn't actually improve the situation?
The ones that exist when you are a part of a community. When friends introduce you their partner’s friends, when you meet potential partners in your community, when people in your community vouch for you, when you bring your partner to your community and the women side conversation convey what a catch you are. Basic social things. Nothing reinforces a woman’s mate choice like a community that approves and lauds that choice as a good match.
If nobody is matching up then the obvious answer for you is to plant your feet in the sand and refuse to soften your language… because that will show them!
That's not how relationships happen anymore.
Its been replaced with online interactions and apps.
And people just NOT forming relationships. The doors you're describing are just shut, by default.
You describe my PREFERRED method of finding a partner. You're also describing the exact method that failed me repeatedly over the years when it turns out the women in a given community aren't actually looking for partners from said community.
This is my point. I've gone through this process, I've failed, and I've tried to adapt.
Its OTHER PEOPLE who have the mindset that led here. I'm just dealing with the fallout.
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