The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Let me summarize this for you:
You're walking away from this?
My brother in Christ this is the one you'll regret letting get away. A sober, frugal Dutch doctor who wants a farm and a family, and you're passing on this because she's too organized? You're not supposed to "keep up" with her! You're supposed to complement each other! You're not internet semi-famous for nothing, and that charm and turn of phrase makes her feel as insecure as her conscientiousness makes you feel. You could walk away from this, and a few years from now as you age into dating divorcees, you'll look at the grippy-socks/grippy-box mistakes you've made, and feel that sudden zero-g free fall feeling of regret.
I almost let a good woman go for the same reason: I was insecure she would keep charging ahead, and I could barely keep my phone charged. (plus I was enjoying my own grippy-socks/grippy-box decisions). But I didn't, and kid number three is slowing mom down enough that I can just about keep up.
Don't walk, run back to her, with as grandly romantic a gesture as her Northern European temperament and the rules of the NHS HR department will allow.
I'm grateful, I really am. All I can promise is that this is a considered decision, and I haven't cut things off.
I will note that I'm not as old as you seem to think I am. Far from it. I'm in my late 20s. I intend to bite the bullet in the next 2 or 3 years, 5 max. I'm quite far from worrying about only having the leftovers of the dating pool at hand, and I keep that a live concern.
I may or may not have fractured my thumb, so I'll keep it brief.
She's not "too organized", I might be lacking in that regard, but I'm not scared off by people who have their shit together. She's too busy, I think. She's intent on entering a brutal specialty for further training, and she's moved/moving to a different city. Not too far, by itself, but in conjunction I'd be surprised if I saw her more than once every other week for the next few years. Even worse if either of us seek a competitive job later, which might require serious geographical upheaval.
I don't want to make demands of her. It's one thing to make those adjustments when you're engaged or married, and it's another to enter a relationship like that. You probably don't understand what an absolute pain in the ass rotational training is, especially when both parties are doctors. She clearly loves her career, and is visibly worried about how that'll impact having a family. I don't go around giving IVF advice for nothing, she's well aware of the health risks of delaying pregnancy, and my impression is that she wants to hold off for a good while.
True story: I was walking her back to a party, which she had delayed going to for the said 4 hours. We took a shortcut through a uni campus. I was a few steps behind.
"SMH! You walk awfully slow for someone with such long legs."
"I used to run everywhere, once. These days, I'm older. I like to linger and smell the roses."
She raised an eyebrow, "I don't see any roses."
I shrugged. "It's a metaphor, I'm not hallucinating." I sniffed a flower of uncertain taxonomy.
"I thought you'd keep up." She declared, walking off at speed, looking back over her shoulder with a smile.
"I'm still here, am I not?" I resumed chasing her at my own pace. One step behind.
No, she does want someone who keeps up. I can keep up. I'm just tired, sometimes, very often. I'm not too far from taking a stand, digging in my heels, and declaring this is where I'll live now. I just want it to be where I want to be.
I genuinely don't think that's the case. I'm not insecure that she, in her chosen field, is visibly more competent. I'm good at my job. She told me she appreciates that. I can pick up on the insecurities she does have: her body, the tension between her career goals and her craving for a family. I don't contribute to these.
I'm glad you got the happy ending. I'm quite sure I'll get mine too. Say hi to the kids and the missus for me.
We don't work together any more. But if I see her (big if), I'll bring a bouquet of roses, and ask her to smell them while I stand by and grin like a loon.
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