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PaperclipPerfector  4d ago (text post)   2212 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for July 24, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Another possibility is that they went out for beers or w/e, Branning had a heart attack or otherwise dropped dead, and Stark decided to loot the car/phone/corpse and drive away from his shitty life. That'd be illegal, obviously, but not murder (since you're a lawyer: is stealing a corpse kidnapping?).

They'd probably charge you with abuse of a corpse, but the timeline doesn't match up for that theory. Stark arrived at work between 3:30 and 4:00, and Branning made the ATM withdrawal a little after 4:00. From there a combination of phone pings and toll cameras put either the car or the phones together at regular points on the way to or from Cape May. There's simply no time for Stark to drive to Baltimore until the following day at the earliest.

There's simply no time for Stark to drive to Baltimore until the following day at the earliest.

Is there some reason that doesn't make sense other than "that means he'd have been driving around with a dead body"? Because, well, okay, that falls under the heading of Bad Ideas, but the guy clearly had a history of bad decision-making.

They'd probably charge you with abuse of a corpse

I'm not planning on it! It's just that this theory involved stealing a corpse and the guy got convicted of kidnapping over this incident so I was wondering if that'd actually apply.

Another possibility is that Branning had a heart attack or otherwise dropped dead

The Maryland autopsy actually noted that his coronary artery had 50-percent occlusion, which was unlikely to be the cause of death.

Is stealing a corpse kidnapping?

Abuse of corpse (which he was charged with and convicted of; I just omitted it from my summary in light of the more major charges)

The Maryland autopsy actually noted that his coronary artery had 50-percent occlusion, which was unlikely to be the cause of death.

'Crack bender' strikes me as more likely than 'out for beers' considering these guys' bios -- which could be a bad combo with heart disease?

The Maryland autopsy's toxicology test found "a small amount" of alcohol but no drugs.

Probably not dispositive -- crack (or meth I suppose) only stays in your system for a few hours at the best of times AFAIK -- not sure what impact dead in a ditch for a few weeks would have, but I can't imagine it would help with detection?

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