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Notes -
More of vent/advise post rather than a small question.
Background: I run a board game meetup, formally around the social deduction game Blood on the Clocktower (Think very involved werewolf/mafia but with a DM). Some of the regulars have become addicted to the game and spun off a separate discord to play more often, which is fine, because I joinws it and play I just don't want to have to run the game every weekend which is the occurrence they seem to want to play at.
The Problem: Somehow a minor infiltrated our group. The main group is public and meets a local game hall so its whatever, but this person seemingly got invited to the separate discord full of all the addicts. We just played at someone's house last night. This minor is now 18, an autistic woman. The average age of this group is early 30s, quantitatively 32. We do have some mid 20s and occasionally some folks in their 23-24 range show up and several folks in their 40s that come play but 18 is extremely young. Consequently (thankfully) everyone is very uncomfortable with this development.
Extra Tea: She needed a ride to our event last night, she doesn't really advertise her age, so a male member of the group picked her up because it was on his way and he's a helpful person. He immediately regretted offering to help when he saw her. People where discretely playing hot potato with who was going to drive her home. Her parents apparently don't care that she is attempting to hang out with a bunch of 30 year olds. They seem to be living out of a hotel for some reason (likely poverty), but it's unclear if this is a recent thing or not. She's very clearly autistic with a severely awkward demeanor and lacking the ability to at all process anything not spoken directly to her in the environment.
The Question: Is there any advice on how to boot this person from the group. Obviously it's going to happen but the question is how to handle it in such a way as to not scar this already likely friendless young adult. I currently lean on just ripping the band aid off, but technically since this is an offshoot group I am pushing towards making the moronic discord head who added her do it as penance for being a fucking retard and adding her in the first place.
I agree with @4bpp. The specifics kinda don't matter; kicking someone out of a group is always going to be painful and awkward. If you must kick her out (and for the record, I don't think you should, there's nothing wrong with an 18 year old hanging out with other adults if she wants), then best thing is to be kind but direct. "Hey $name, the group doesn't think that you fit in with the rest of us, we noticed that you don't always enjoy our sense of humor and because we are at a very different life stage than you are it's a bit hard to find common ground when we chat about stuff. I'm sorry, but I think it would be best if we went our separate ways". Something like that. It's really hard to not be mean while also being firm that no, we really are asking you to leave.
You asked how to do this without scarring this girl for life, and to be blunt I don't think you can. You are going to hurt her, no matter how hard you try, because it is intrinsically painful to be asked to not hang out with a group of friends any more. And if she really is lonely and doesn't have other friends, it's going to hurt even more. Them's the breaks.
Probably the most relevant response, thanks.
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