Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.
Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
More of vent/advise post rather than a small question.
Background: I run a board game meetup, formally around the social deduction game Blood on the Clocktower (Think very involved werewolf/mafia but with a DM). Some of the regulars have become addicted to the game and spun off a separate discord to play more often, which is fine, because I joinws it and play I just don't want to have to run the game every weekend which is the occurrence they seem to want to play at.
The Problem: Somehow a minor infiltrated our group. The main group is public and meets a local game hall so its whatever, but this person seemingly got invited to the separate discord full of all the addicts. We just played at someone's house last night. This minor is now 18, an autistic woman. The average age of this group is early 30s, quantitatively 32. We do have some mid 20s and occasionally some folks in their 23-24 range show up and several folks in their 40s that come play but 18 is extremely young. Consequently (thankfully) everyone is very uncomfortable with this development.
Extra Tea: She needed a ride to our event last night, she doesn't really advertise her age, so a male member of the group picked her up because it was on his way and he's a helpful person. He immediately regretted offering to help when he saw her. People where discretely playing hot potato with who was going to drive her home. Her parents apparently don't care that she is attempting to hang out with a bunch of 30 year olds. They seem to be living out of a hotel for some reason (likely poverty), but it's unclear if this is a recent thing or not. She's very clearly autistic with a severely awkward demeanor and lacking the ability to at all process anything not spoken directly to her in the environment.
The Question: Is there any advice on how to boot this person from the group. Obviously it's going to happen but the question is how to handle it in such a way as to not scar this already likely friendless young adult. I currently lean on just ripping the band aid off, but technically since this is an offshoot group I am pushing towards making the moronic discord head who added her do it as penance for being a fucking retard and adding her in the first place.
I guess I’ll be the weird one and say I understand your objection. I don’t think there’s inherently anything wrong with an 18 year old spending time with 30+ year olds, but it seems like the combination of gender, age, and general situation makes it uncomfortable to have her around.
Some of your other comments seem to suggest that women aren’t frequent attendees of this private group. The gay guy… going to the bathroom to talk about abilities? (Is this a common tabletop RPG thing?) with the sexual humor is an element I suspect would be difficult to sustain if you had a lot of female participants, it’s just not their kind of scene. For the record, I think it is entirely fair to be a male-only group, or “we only invite women if they’re chill with our vibe.”
It strikes me that you have a middle ground. There’s a public group and a private group. Tell her that this is a small public gathering of old friends, and while you enjoyed her company the transportation situation and private nature of the group means that you’d prefer she not join you in the future, and that you apologize but she wasn’t supposed to be invited to the private discord. You can make clear that she’s welcome at the public group and this isn’t a judgment of her character.
Anything that you say might be hurtful. But there’s no Konami cheat code out of saying hurtful, but true, things sometimes. Tact, and compassion, are important attributes, but ultimately you’re not responsible for how people feel about a situation if you’re honest and polite with them.
Yes. If the DM needs to communicate information to exactly one player, stepping into another room is the easiest way. We sometimes DM on Discord instead, if it's just a quick note.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link