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Friday Fun Thread for July 31, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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I currently have an egregiously Ruski name that I seek to do away with in favor of an all-American first name and an Americanized iteration of my surname that fits my identity as a Southerner who only so happens to be of Russian descent while not being remotely aligned with the Russian worldview. In many ways, I'm a real-life unironic Rawhide Kobayashi who aims to out-Southern my bloodline American counterparts; I rock jean jackets, camo Cabela's hats, Oakleys, and overalls with checkered shirts. I love me some Faulkner and my accent is as broad as Georgie Cooper's. I believe there's a distinction between my brand of Southern gentleman in a Hank Williams and brisket and peach cobbler sense as opposed to the Salt Life, Skoal, and Kid Rock brand of legitimate redneck.

Here's a list of names I am contemplating; let me know your thoughts as to which one would be the best fit:

  • Randall
  • Spencer
  • Grant
  • Lance
  • Russell
  • Hank

Some law professors have pointed out that an actually-useful application of LLMs is in the field of corpus linguistics—determining the "original meaning" of a term by checking zillions of contemporary written works. Changing one's name seems like a field where asking a local decensored LLM might be similarly useful. For example (not LLM-generated):

I am an American of distant Russian descent. I am considering changing my name from Ivan Ivanovich to John Johnson. Does the name "John" have any bad connotations in American English and culture?

While the uncapitalized form "john" does have the embarrassing meaning "patronizer of prostitutes", the capitalized form "John" is sufficiently common as a name (#23 among USAian babies born in year 2025) that it normally is not associated with that meaning. However, people will find the repetition of "John Johnson" humorous.


Randall

This name has the negative connotation of XKCD author Randall Munroe. (But see also Antiplanner author Randal O'Toole.)

Spencer

This name has the negative connotation of infamous white supremacist Richard Spencer.

Lance

This has a negative association with jocks (like "Chad").

Hank

Using this is a bad idea, because people will get confused as to whether (1) your name is "Hank" or (2) your name is "Henry" but you prefer to use the abbreviation "Hank".

Spencer, Russell

These sound more like snooty English names than down-to-earth American names.

Spencer, Grant, Russell

I personally find these annoying because you can't tell at a glance whether they're given names or surnames, but I don't know whether that's a common sentiment.