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PaperclipPerfector  2d ago (text post)   1507 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for July 31, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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I currently have an egregiously Ruski name that I seek to do away with in favor of an all-American first name and an Americanized iteration of my surname that fits my identity as a Southerner who only so happens to be of Russian descent while not being remotely aligned with the Russian worldview. In many ways, I'm a real-life unironic Rawhide Kobayashi who aims to out-Southern my bloodline American counterparts; I rock jean jackets, camo Cabela's hats, Oakleys, and overalls with checkered shirts. I love me some Faulkner and my accent is as broad as Georgie Cooper's. I believe there's a distinction between my brand of Southern gentleman in a Hank Williams and brisket and peach cobbler sense as opposed to the Salt Life, Skoal, and Kid Rock brand of legitimate redneck.

Here's a list of names I am contemplating; let me know your thoughts as to which one would be the best fit:

  • Randall
  • Spencer
  • Grant
  • Lance
  • Russell
  • Hank

You know what's more American than having an all-American name?

Having a funny name and being so goddamn American about it that you tell pearl-clutchers to go fuck themselves. One of the most patriotic, overwhelmingly American people I know is a Korean man who goes by "Gun".

America isn't a guy with a proper Anglo-Saxon WASP name. It's not a collection of clothes. It's a commitment to the belief that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

You're in America now, and America built itself out of exiles and outsiders who held an ideal that no other country in the would would accept. You're no different. Be proud of your name. Carve out a space for yourself and remind us what America is.

Hunter, Beauregard, Ezekiel, Eli, Elijah, Elias, William Robert...

Why did you pick this username if you are trying to get away from your Ruski roots?

Because I'm an American of Russian descent and have no necessity to deny that, what I'm not is a Russian who just so happens to have found himself in America.

I’d say to just own your name and wear it with pride, but some suggestions if you insist:

  • Donald
  • James David
  • Charles
  • Benjamin
  • Tucker
  • Nicholas
  • Andrew
  • Braden
  • Jordan

In addition to what other people have said, make sure to consider the popularity/prevalence of the name you choose relative to your age. There's a bunch of names that are "old people" names because they were given to people born in the 50s or 60s who are now in theirs 70s and 80s, but almost nobody young has that name. And vice versa, if you're looking at baby names popular now you'll possibly be out of place with that name as an adult. I think any of those names are probably fine though if you're going for a southern vibe. They're all common enough that there won't be much connotation from any one individual that shares that name.

If you’re ashamed of having a too-close-to-Russian name just remember, Tupac Shakur sounded like a Protoss name when I first heard it as a kid.

https://bash-org-archive.com/?43

I would've thought someone would've done something with the "Tupac Shakuras" pun by now.

Go figure that.

When you are using an assumed name and trying not to get found out, it's good practice to pick something phonetically close to your original one - "Matt" becomes "Mike", etc. - so that you react more naturally when you hear people use it. Not sure you need that level of obfuscation, though.

I would also say try to steer clear of the most extreme names. You don't want to do the cowboy equivalent of naming yourself "Lilith"; it's not good for the soul.

Darrell? Joe? Pete?

Darrell

I guess it's unobjectionable, but in my personal opinion it doesn't really sound enough like a name.

Joe, Pete

Using either of these is a bad idea, because people will get confused as to whether (1) your name is "Joe" or "Pete" or (2) your name is "Joseph" or "Peter" but you prefer to use the abbreviation "Joe" or "Pete".

Some law professors have pointed out that an actually-useful application of LLMs is in the field of corpus linguistics—determining the "original meaning" of a term by checking zillions of contemporary written works. Changing one's name seems like a field where asking a local decensored LLM might be similarly useful. For example (not LLM-generated):

I am an American of distant Russian descent. I am considering changing my name from Ivan Ivanovich to John Johnson. Does the name "John" have any bad connotations in American English and culture?

While the uncapitalized form "john" does have the embarrassing meaning "patronizer of prostitutes", the capitalized form "John" is sufficiently common as a name (#23 among USAian babies born in year 2025) that it normally is not associated with that meaning. However, people will find the repetition of "John Johnson" humorous.

Randall

This name has the negative connotation of XKCD author Randall Munroe. (But see also Antiplanner author Randal O'Toole.)

Spencer

This name has the negative connotation of infamous white supremacist Richard Spencer.

Lance

This has a negative association with jocks (like "Chad").

Hank

Using this is a bad idea, because people will get confused as to whether (1) your name is "Hank" or (2) your name is "Henry" but you prefer to use the abbreviation "Hank".

Spencer, Russell

These sound more like snooty English names than down-to-earth American names.

Spencer, Grant, Russell

I personally find these annoying because you can't tell at a glance whether they're given names or surnames, but I don't know whether that's a common sentiment.

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