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PaperclipPerfector  2d ago (text post)   1515 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for July 31, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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I currently have an egregiously Ruski name that I seek to do away with in favor of an all-American first name and an Americanized iteration of my surname that fits my identity as a Southerner who only so happens to be of Russian descent while not being remotely aligned with the Russian worldview. In many ways, I'm a real-life unironic Rawhide Kobayashi who aims to out-Southern my bloodline American counterparts; I rock jean jackets, camo Cabela's hats, Oakleys, and overalls with checkered shirts. I love me some Faulkner and my accent is as broad as Georgie Cooper's. I believe there's a distinction between my brand of Southern gentleman in a Hank Williams and brisket and peach cobbler sense as opposed to the Salt Life, Skoal, and Kid Rock brand of legitimate redneck.

Here's a list of names I am contemplating; let me know your thoughts as to which one would be the best fit:

  • Randall
  • Spencer
  • Grant
  • Lance
  • Russell
  • Hank

You know what's more American than having an all-American name?

Having a funny name and being so goddamn American about it that you tell pearl-clutchers to go fuck themselves. One of the most patriotic, overwhelmingly American people I know is a Korean man who goes by "Gun".

America isn't a guy with a proper Anglo-Saxon WASP name. It's not a collection of clothes. It's a commitment to the belief that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

You're in America now, and America built itself out of exiles and outsiders who held an ideal that no other country in the would would accept. You're no different. Be proud of your name. Carve out a space for yourself and remind us what America is.

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