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Notes -
I largely agree.
There is also a weird dynamic in that Catholic priests are celibate men and I am a woman, so I have to try to balance friendliness with...
One of the new, younger priests at my parish looked tired during mass one day. I know he's active with hospice ministry which often involves being called at night and I started praying for him that God would help him meet the challenges of his role. He mentioned once in a talk about an experience he had with a dying man and I gave him my CD of David Crowder Band's "Give Us Rest; or, A Requiem Mass in C" because his talk reminded me of the album so much. When I was having trouble with assessing my autistic daughter's ability to receive sacraments, I went to him for help.
I had confession with him and at the end he told me to keep up the good work and I realized... I needed to create distance here. No one did anything wrong, but there is a danger inherent in a friendly woman interacting with a lonely man. I started going to a different confession line. I still pray for him.
I don't think it would necessarily be different if more priests were married though. I wonder if it's similar in Protestant congregations with solely male ministers.
I don't know what it's like for men. Why don't men befriend priests more?
I don't know. I suspect that if you're Catholic, it's difficult to have an open relationship with your priest, because there's a hierarchy between you.
Some years ago, when I was in my late 20s, I remember having a chat with a local priest, a man in his 50s. In theory we met so that we could have a chat about my own spiritual life and my engagement with the parish (I was, at the time, in the church's choir), but after half an hour we got to talking more casually, and he told me about the departing parish secretary. He had apparently been very disappointed with her, and as he was bellyaching to me, I realised that the roles had switched and I was giving him pastoral care. I'd guess that he just didn't have people to casually talk to like that. Most of us do have people in our lives who will listen to us if we need to just get something off our chest. It's often unfair, but we need friends, a spouse, family, etc., who will listen sympathetically if we need to say, "Ugh, I had a terrible day at work, can you believe what my co-worker said to me?" It may not be virtuous (and perhaps this priest was guilty of the sin of gossip), but it's nonetheless something that a priest, living alone in the presbytery, may not have access to.
I think people do see priests as like islands sometimes, separate from the rest of society? I once ran into that same priest in the supermarket in the evening one day, after mass. I was shocked - wait, you're a priest, what are you doing wearing normal clothes wandering up and down the aisle putting food in a shopping basket? - and then felt stupid for being shocked. Where did I think priests got food? I felt ashamed of myself for thinking of him as another species.
Unfortunately he's since been rotated to another parish and I never see him any more. I hope he's still doing all right.
Every now and then I hear homilies, or bishops' messages, reminding parishioners to pray for their priests. I encourage them to do so, and more than that, if it's possible to do so in a safe way, be kind to priests. They need friends too.
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