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I purposely took what was suppose to be 3 grams of mushrooms in chocolates. The prior time I had took 1.5 grams and it was like cool visuals. My gut says poor quality control and they weren’t mixed well and I had a bigger dose. So hypothetically for some insanity defense when I took the shrooms I thought I was taking a reasonable and wouldn’t go crazy.
When you take a big dose of shrooms there’s something called an ego death. I guess I did something like that. I did imagine I was died and was in purgatory plus some things about thinking I was like Jesus brother which feels like a big ego to me.
My purgatory was hallucinating and seeing people in my life like my mom or gf. But they always turned out to be demons and I was robbed of having any human love. It got to the point where I would give anything to spend a moment with the person I find most annoying. So now in real life I love people more because being robbed of friendship and humanity is really not fun. I accepted I was in purgatory and would spend thousands of years of god molding me to be good or hopefully it doesn’t take that long.
I was begging for what felt like hours to get out of the alternative reality I had created. Purgatory is in fact quite painful.
Also I did shrooms with Jews. And obviously Jews are demons in my purgatory. They tempting me with unlimited power and wealth if I rejected Christ and joined them.
Whatever shrooms do to your mind I don’t know any cases where you end up killing the people your with. But I did have no sense of reality.
I have no idea if I would recommend for someone to do a big dose of shrooms or a similar thing. I had a semi-religious experience and I think some good mental work. But it was not fun. Purgatory is not fun.
But I’m writing this here because that’s my best understanding of some kind of temporary mental illness where you could like kill your kids but not understand what you are doing.
I apologize in advance, but there are a lot of deranged people in EA who are totally into microdoses of LSD or other mind-hallucineugnics. I'm not one of them, in either sense of the word, for good reason. I have no doubt that what you experienced was real enough to you, and that it was a bad one. But your experience, as it reads, is no different than a schizophrenic rant from someone severely disturbed, and voluntarily inducing oneself into such an experience is perverse. It's a personal choice to mindkill oneself with ayuhuesca or what have you, but I never saw it as a brave or adventurous thing, but a kind of psychic suicide.
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