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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   1388 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for September 9, 2026

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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I also wish there was a default profile question where people would say they were separated but not divorced. Its such an awkward conversation to have but apparently one you need to have at this bracket (I understand why people date before they are divorced but I am not willing to date them).

Why? Do you think they might be lying to you about being separated? Or are you afraid the soon to be ex-wife might decide you're the reason the marriage fell apart?

I mean, there's a reason that divorce is like #2 on the list of major life stressors or whatever. It's a lot for someone to deal with, come to terms with, find peace with, etc., and IMAO the vast majority of the time, both parties had some level of their own issues coming out to play. Ideally, each party would be honest enough and introspective enough to reflect on their own part in the failure of the marriage, and even if they believed said failure was an eventuality, they'd find at least some of their own issues and start working on them, and those sorts of changes take their time. And in the meantime, sex and relationships can be just as stimulating, captivating, and enslaving as any good drug.

Why don't I want to date people that are separated but not divorced? Lying is of course one possibility but even in a good faith situation I don't want to fall for someone but be a rebound when they aren't ready or (other side of the coin) be with someone who doesn't take time to recover and reflect between relationships because they are so desperate to be in a relationship. I'm at an age where a lot of divorced men have kids, and I want there to be enough time since the divorce for that new normal to have settled for everyone involved.

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