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Notes -
Inspiring controversy on Reddit today is an extremely long-winded comic, "I Don't Like My Boyfriend". Each of its 12 panels was posted as a separate image, so here are some consolidated renditions for your convenience.
One image, millions of colors (11 MiB)
One image, 256 colors (2.3 MiB)
Text (5.8 kiB)
In this comic, a woman contemplates how she doesn't like her boyfriend (who is drawn as a short, fat Chudjak). She finds him boring and annoying. However, he is smitten with her, and she has never had any friends, let alone romantic partners, other than him. She wonders whether she is just an unlikeable person, and should be more grateful for having hooked a person with such low standards. The general opinion of commenters seems to be hatred for the woman.
This actually matches my personal experience with attempts at friendship (1 2) somewhat well! I eventually couldn't tolerate my pseudo-friends any longer and kicked them all to the curb, and the commenters seem to think that the woman depicted in the comic should do the same with her romantic partner.
Do you have any thoughts on this topic?
Ah. That's a common enough story.
General advice for the men reading: taking interest in and engaging with the interests and activities of your female partners is important. If you can't generate it organically, then you better learn to fake it.
I can hear the objection already. Faking it is dishonest, she will see through it, and being caught faking is worse than never having tried. I half agree, in the sense that "fake" is probably the wrong word. What I actually mean is something closer to "build a habit."
Look at a person who sets a weekly reminder to call his mother. I wouldn't say he loves her less than the person who simply remembers on his own. The reminder is what love looks like in a brain that is bad at remembering things. The effort is the thing being measured, and is not much worse for being intentionally generated.
I've seen this before - a lot of women will become deeply dissatisfied if you're not doing this. You can be well off, handsome, good in bed, etc etc, but they'll feel that something is missing.
The gap gets filled by small things. Remembering a birthday without being reminded. Asking how her friend's surgery went. Flowers on a Tuesday for no reason, except that she appreciates flowers. Remarking on the fact that she got a haircut. None of these is individually important, which is precisely why they work as a signal. The only reason to do something that does not matter is that you were thinking about the person it does not matter to.
I've gotten better at all of that, with time and intentional effort. I've had exes complain I sometimes appeared checked out, or that I didn't get them flowers. Once that was done and dusted, I set about improving. I'm buying a bouquet today.
That is not to say that the stereotypically male side of a relationship isn't important: being a provider, making her feel safe, taking care of things. These all matter greatly. They are necessary, but in many cases, might not be sufficient.
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