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Friday Fun Thread for September 18, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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In the shining light of the future, there is only utilitarianism. No other moral system could keep up with the overwhelming assault of pure logic. There are only a few minor disagreements over the details that need to be kinked out by humanity (or rather, agentry, we don't want to be humanist here!) ...

This is a 4X strategy game set in the far future with mechanically extremely different factions. These factions are:

  • The God King, a utility monster (or at least he thinks he is one). The most normal faction, since the God King deems himself a classical monarch, liking monarchy and doing monarchy things. Humans and many other free intelligent life forms like living in his domain because the God King is mostly unconcerned with them and their happiness, he demands only a relatively small yearly tithe and leaves them alone.

  • The Adelstein Locusts, an engineered insect-based bioweapon optimized to have the lowest possible intelligence while still being capable of feeling happiness. They are sturdy to almost all imaginable hazards, feel no pain, and take immense pleasure from scouring the galaxy for biomass and replicating, which they do asexually, to avoid divergence from their initial design. Their maker, the eponymous Adelstein, has long been eaten himself, enough biomass to create millions of his Locusts, which was the outcome he considered most desirous to begin with.

  • The Benatarians, AI lifeforms who feel nothing. They have concluded that real life has too much capacity for great pain, and decided that all intelligent life has to be sterilized, put in stasis and wireheaded into a much better virtual life. Their ultimate goal is to wipe it out entirely without pain.

  • The agento tortor, a virus-based bioweapon that spreads itself with even just minor contact and re-wires intelligence into enjoying even the greatest depravities. They murder, abuse and torture everyone and everything they come into contact with, which may be a small amount of temporary pain, but should they manage to spread everywhere, pain will not be possible anymore!


Couldn't help it with Adelstein's latest banger at making utilitarianism sound as bad as possible. Other ideas for factions?