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PaperclipPerfector  8d ago (text post)   25840 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of October 5, 2026

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I had internalized

What does this actually mean?

This is a genuine question, however, I will admit to having a strong bias in place as well.

I think when people say "internalized" they mean that they've adopted a belief, behavior, pathology, what have you to such an extent that they aren't aware that they have it. It's "baked in" or "embedded in the subconscious." First, (again), what does that mean? Are you saying that there is a brain-within-the-brain that holds these "internalized" features?

Regardless, however, it surfaces a logical problem -- if something is "internalized" how does it every surface to the level where introspection can occur again? Your comment states that that you "[saw] them again" (meaning the internalized attitudes and behaviors) and were able to deal with them. How did this happen? Is something internalized until a new, different external stimuli bubbles it back up to the aware-brain?

My bias; I think this is all self-serving bullshit and that when people say "internalized" anything what they really mean is "I decided to just believe x for many years and now I'm kind of laundering my past behavior based on that very conscious decision." Think about it. If a guy says "I really internalized a lot of toxic behaviors" in reference to cheating on his wife / girlfriend (or hitting her), what is he actually saying? "It wasn't my fault because it was my double-secret-brain doing the thing .... but now I totally found a way to delete that firmware. I swear I'm totally fixed." How can such an assertion be taken seriously, let alone demonstrated?

There's nothing wrong with improving as a person. There's nothing wrong with changing a belief and maturing. I actively encourage this in all people regardless of life stage (something...something...catholic...love...the...sinner...something). But you have to start from a place of honesty where you admit "yeah .... I used to be a piece of shit" first and not side-step that responsibility with .... "internalization."

I don't think we're in fundamental disagreement here. It sounds like you've developed some antibodies for folks using therapeutic speak to justify their own bad behavior, and I'm going to encourage you to hang onto those antibodies. If that means the word internalized makes you suspicious, no worries, you're aware of the reason why it makes you skeptical and that's the important part. The narcissists can and will weaponize anything and everything convenient to them to cast themselves in only sympathetic roles while demonizing anyone and everyone else necessary to do so. I totally killed that dragon and everyone was super stoked on me before I came here and gave you that joke, Jimmy, but I'm going to be the better person and stop making it an issue! We see this all the time not just with words like internalized, but also trauma, abuse, entitlement, etc. etc. etc.

I'm of the personal opinion that our culture has adopted therapy language in incredibly destructive ways, and that the whole field of psychology hasn't covered itself in glory, either, but that doesn't mean that the concepts are all invalid and that they're selling snake oil. I'm IT, but I actually work in the mental health field, so that means I talk therapeutic speak all the time, and all 'internalized' really parses out to is a strong, often ingrained habit. I don't think it's a coincidence that the Buddhists are big on mindfulness and warn about the danger of habits. How much conscious attention do you pay to the myriad daily habits that are necessary for life and hygiene such as the brushing of the teeth, bathing, eating, etc.? And neuroplasticity is the explanation for how, over time, repeated activity forms and strengthens a neural pathway in the brain, and a habit is simply a neural pathway that becomes so strong that it takes barely any effort to achieve the desired result, in the same way that someone experienced with a manual transmission will have no problem starting on a hill, while someone just learning the clutch would struggle. Neuroplasticity explains the other side of the coin, too. Just like I've forgotten how to play many of the songs that I used to play on guitar because I stopped playing a decade ago, so too can habits be neglected for long enough that their associated neural pathways atrophy to the point where they are no longer functional, and another good example in this case is that my brother reminded me of a particular chord in a song that I couldn't remember, but that I had taught him decades ago, and that he still remembered because he got way better than I ever did and never got as far away from it as I did, either.

I was actually making my comment in the vein of that whole maybe the purpose of my life is solely to serve as a warning to others, and I have made a bad habit of talking about how the stereotypical midlife crisis can be intensely real and heartbreakingly spectacular. One of the overwhelmingly common themes is, strategies that people use to try and deal with their shit that don't really work in the long run and actually break completely over time, and that started for me in earnest in my early forties and picked up speed until I hit the wall in my late forties. I've spent just about five years now trying to dig out and get my shit together in earnest. That, in turn, brings me to the answer to how one becomes aware of habitual/internalized attitudes and behaviors which is technically surprisal, but for the purposes of this discussion, pain. Lots and lots of pain. I love quoting Feynman when it comes to this shit, specifically that the first principle of science is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. I thought I had dealt with my feelings, but I was fooling myself, and it took my marriage unraveling and having to put my dad into a home in the same time frame to overwhelm me enough to break me of that belief.

Your final paragraph shows that you know the answer to your question of how that assertion that someone has changed their ways can be taken seriously: the person in question doesn't simply take responsibility for their behavior with word, they back up that ownership by acting with obvious openness and integrity. That's simple to say, much harder to live by, but I'm tryin', Ringo.

I appreciate the common ground effortpost. And I sincerely wish you good fortune and sustained perseverance in your life.

But your sentence structure makes me quite certain we would not like each other. You aren't cool enough to use that many independent clauses.

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