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PaperclipPerfector  7d ago (text post)   25498 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of October 5, 2026

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This certainly resonated with me and reminded me of my lonely years trying to find someone to love. An old reddit post I revisit now and then sums it up thus: "A man wants to be loved for who he is, not for what he does in order to be loved. [...] When he can finally let go of the crank he continually turns day after day in order to earn love and, even if only for a moment, it turns by itself to nourish him in return, that is when he will know he is loved."

This reminds me a lot of Oliver Traldi on romance tropes. Specifically:

A very different kind of film, Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze's Adaptation, features the thought-provoking line: "You are what you love, not what loves you." And why shouldn't we think of men as characterised by the gentleness they seek, and women by the brutality they demand, rather than vice versa? Over thousands upon thousands of generations we have made each other into what we most value.

The more obvious read of culture and gendered tropes is that men do, and women are. But why shouldn't we reverse that? Men want what is; women want what does. We are all trying to live up to a standard set by the other.

Obviously all human beings are constantly in the process of both doing and being. They are inextricably woven together. But perhaps for men (I can only speak for my own sex) there is something both tender and liberating in knowing that we are valued for what we are, even when all our abilities to do fade away.

The more obvious read of culture and gendered tropes is that men do, and women are. But why shouldn't we reverse that?

Because of supply and demand. Sperm are cheap, eggs are expensive. Women contribute value to a heterosexual pairing intrinsically, biologically, via their scarce reproductive resources; men must supplement their own intrinsic lack of value with something external. It's all a bit similar to asking "why do I have to be the one answering the questions at the job interview? Why don't companies apply to me, and I'll be the one interviewing them?" Because they have the money and you don't, silly.

Until the fundamental economic facts change, gendered tropes and expectations will continue much as they have hitherto, in perpetuity.

You are missing the point.

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