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Young Prudes: Are sex norms mostly a manifestation of sex ratios?
Aria Shrecker of Works in Progress puts forward an interesting hypothesis. What if the sexual revolution of the 1960s was driven not (primarily) by the pill, but by a growing population?
The thesis rests on a few key points:
1 is fairly uncontroversial, 2 is a mathematical derivative of 1. The only part of contention is whether 3 is true, and if so, how strong the effect is.
There is definitely a correlation between the ratio of men to women at US colleges and its sexual culture. And the mechanism is pretty intuitive. This would also explain the current sex-negative turn among young people. There are fewer 21 year-old zoomettes than there are 23 year-old zoomer boys, and so with the 'upper hand', the young ladies are turning the sexual culture towards their preferences.
The greatest weakness in the hypothesis is that it predicts that a higher male:female ratio should increase commitment (marriages, having children, buying houses together) and all those things are declining. Of course, its possible that atomisation caused by smartphones is simply too strong of an effect and swamps the influence of sex ratios. Peter Foreshaw Brooks points this out in his review of her article.
If Aria is right, then we're soon in line for a marriage boom. Watch this space, folks!
The problem with this argument is that we aren't seeing the now-scarce Zoomettes getting what they want.
The problem with the dating market in 2026 is that it does not clear, not that it is clearing at a price that young men don't like. Both sexes think it sucks, and there are people of both sexes who want to match with MMV peers and are unable to. Most people of both sexes still want marriage, but marriage rates are low and falling. This is a disaster, not a shift in power in the battle of the sexes.
The normie view on what is wrong seems fairly clear - that the main socially acceptable way of meeting strangers as potential dates (subscription-funded dating apps) does not work.
I think the problem is two-fold. First, meeting strangers for potential dates is inherently a terrible idea that humans are not designed for. You have no way of vetting the person or build attraction beforehand, and there are no good heuristics to judge much other than "are they hot?" within the span of only one date. Especially when the other person is from a completely different background than you.
Second is the focus on attraction and consent above all else. This sounds good on the surface, but it is clear at this point that it leads to a model where your current feelings dictate everything. Romance suffers when any interaction boils down to "what am I in the mood for right now?". No longer do you find a decent person, go on dates and figure out if attraction can be built. Instead, you find an attractive person, have sex, then start to consider if they are worth being in a relationship with.
Put together, this means that the first date becomes a meeting where you:
All at the same time. With 1 and 2 often being counter to each other. This is legitimately difficult, and that is without getting into all the ways people gamify the status quo for their own ends.
But there's a social rule nowadays (developed by decades of Jessica Valenti/Amanda Marcotte types, and enforced by social approbation) that you are not supposed to date your friends. It's considered bad faith to do so; the irrebuttable assumption is you were only friendly with her so you could get into her pants.
What are you talking about? I know no such rule. Everyone dates their friends.
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Rather, there is a social insurance for women nowadays that enables a woman to exert social power over male friends. The rule doesn't exist to be followed, it exists to provide women with leverage so they can more easily control their social sphere.
The rule originally existed to be broken, but it now exists to be followed -- this pattern has been noted in many contexts on this very board.
No, the rule exists to be followed when she is not interested. When she is interested, it exists to be broken. That is the crux of the leverage it grants--it incentivizes men to keep her interested.
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Yes, and I think that is a bad rule. More broadly though, I am not just thinking close friends. I think humans have evolved to have large social circles within which they find their partners, and it would be good for us to do that again. Coworkers, friends of friends, the people in your neighborhood or apartment building. Of course with the world being individualized and increasingly online this doesn't happen that often anymore.
But fundamentally, I think that the expectation that we date total strangers is a big part of what is wrong with modern dating culture. Unfortunately "more community would make the world a better place" is not exactly novel, but I guess this is another argument in favor of that.
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