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Wellness Wednesday for March 29, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Do you feel anymore confident when drunk or on benzos? I tend to be socially anxious with people I meet, but if I’m drunk or using benzos, I feel much more confident and can actually enjoy the conversation. That’s obviously not a solution, but may give you a sign on what you need to work on. It tells me that I have the ability to be social, it’s just a lack of confidence or calmness that disallows me from doing so.

It’s also simply difficult for more introverted, introspective, or “thinking” type people to make friends. We are quite in our own heads and it’s difficult to be present in social situations.

The people that I’ve become closest friends with tend to be those who are the opposite of me. It’s almost like they can’t “feel” my awkwardness and just sort of plow ahead with the conversation. We admire each for different things; I admire them for their social ability, they admire me for my intellect and organization (organizing trips, meals, golf, etc).

But yeah, there are few people in my life I’m totally comfortable with. It does suck, not gonna lie, especially when I think about how much better my social life and career would be if I were a “normie.” I guess my advice would be, do the things you enjoy even if it’s awkward. I personally love golf, softball, and musical theater, so I join teams or take classes. Even if I’m not making lifelong friends, I’m still doing an activity that I enjoy, and I take satisfaction from that.

Getting a full nights sleep and exercise also helps my mood.

If by recreationally you mean once every 3-4 weeks, then yes. In the past, I’ve taken them for particularly bad hangovers, but found the rebound anxiety the day after to just not be worth it. I’ll also take a very small dose if I’m going to a particularly stressful social event or if I’m experiencing bad anxiety while trying to fall asleep. But generally I space them out enough that I don’t feel it’s a problem.

That's safe enough, but still, keep an eye out for escalation in dose and frequency!

It’s also simply difficult for more introverted, introspective, or “thinking” type people to make friends. We are quite in our own heads and it’s difficult to be present in social situations.

Not really imo. "more introverted" vacuously means difficult to make friends - "thinking/introspective" types may prefer the company of similarly intelligent / interested-in-complex-discussion people to others, but they don't necessarily have 'trouble being present in social situations'. I think there are reasons there's something of a correlation, but a majority of more intelligent, or more introspective, or "thinking" types are normal or better socially.