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Friday Fun Thread for May 5, 2023

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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TRIAL by wager of WILDERNESS.

I have been thinking about something: in ages past, men went to war to prove themselves. They still do, today, and the survivors I have seen return more attractive, although they pay an immense price, and that is only counting those that return more or less in one piece. Now, war is more destructive than it once was, and we don't think highly of war in general, for good reason.

Therefore: I have been training for this for the past year or so. I plan to have myself dumped into the Alaskan wilderness in late February, 50 miles from the nearest road or civilization. I'll walk out, and if I make it out alive, I'll have been hardened by my experience. I'll have stared my own death in the goddamn face, braving temperatures of 40 below 0 just to walk out alive.

Do you think that this will make my ugly, autistic ass any more attractive? I've heard it said that you have never lived until you have almost died, and that tough, masculine men are attractive AF. This seems like something that would harden someone...either permanently, as a rock-solid corpse, or permanently, as a wilderness-hardened man.

TL;DR Is dumping myself in the middle of the woods in Alaska in winter gonna make me more attractive, if I survive?

No, it won't make you more attractive, at least not to most women. It's my experience that most things men think will impress women will only impress other men. I'm an avid outdoorsman myself and was high adventure director for my local BSA council for four years, and I occasionally had male staff who wouldn't shut up about how great they were at everything and everyone else just found them to be insufferable pricks. These were usually my best employees but they'd often get bad reviews from groups that came through just because they didn't know when to tone it down. Also keep in mind that unless you write a bestselling memoir about your experience or are profiled on national TV, you'll have to actually get a date before any woman will know about this, and if you can get a date then you're already halfway there without the ridiculous notion that the deciding factor is going to be your fifty mile trek of idiocy.

And I'm too tired to mention all the ways that you've already demonstrated so little knowledge of what you're suggesting that you'd almost certainly die if you were to attempt this undertaking, but it's not logistically possible anyway so, luckily, you'll be around a while.

Also keep in mind that unless you write a bestselling memoir about your experience or are profiled on national TV

I suppose that this might be an interesting memoir, assuming I survive: guy dumps himself into wilderness, walks out.

I think the most attractive thing to be is the martial aristocrat: the man that is strong, tall, powerful...but most of all has the ability to lead men into battle. Men he's grown up with, who trust him with their lives and whom he has the personal loyalty of.

Of course, this doesn't work if you're short; I knew a Special Forces colonel that didn't do well at all dating because he was only 5'4".

And I'm too tired to mention all the ways that you've already demonstrated so little knowledge of what you're suggesting that you'd almost certainly die if you were to attempt this undertaking

I've camped in the woods in winter several times before. Once down to 0 degrees F.