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PaperclipPerfector  11mo ago (text post)   2650 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for May 5, 2023

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TRIAL by wager of WILDERNESS.

I have been thinking about something: in ages past, men went to war to prove themselves. They still do, today, and the survivors I have seen return more attractive, although they pay an immense price, and that is only counting those that return more or less in one piece. Now, war is more destructive than it once was, and we don't think highly of war in general, for good reason.

Therefore: I have been training for this for the past year or so. I plan to have myself dumped into the Alaskan wilderness in late February, 50 miles from the nearest road or civilization. I'll walk out, and if I make it out alive, I'll have been hardened by my experience. I'll have stared my own death in the goddamn face, braving temperatures of 40 below 0 just to walk out alive.

Do you think that this will make my ugly, autistic ass any more attractive? I've heard it said that you have never lived until you have almost died, and that tough, masculine men are attractive AF. This seems like something that would harden someone...either permanently, as a rock-solid corpse, or permanently, as a wilderness-hardened man.

TL;DR Is dumping myself in the middle of the woods in Alaska in winter gonna make me more attractive, if I survive?

No it won't. Not unless you spend several years out there. Any behavioral changes caused by a brief period of exceptional activity will be undone by your subsequent resumption of normalcy.

Huh - 'almost dying' doesn't make you more attractive? Thought it did: I've seen PTSD-afflicted combat vets that were goddamn near dead of alcohol-induced liver failure with girlfriends. Guys that were addicted to (and dealing) heroin and Xanax that were full of shame about what they did in Iraq...that had girlfriends. If being a battle-hardened combat veteran is that powerful...I suspect that being in the woods would be a less powerful and less damaging version.

Has it occurred to you that having gone to war, gotten PTSD and started drinking is downstream of whatever the source of their attractiveness is? They are different people from you, and you cannot become them by emulating their feats, not even to a reduced extent.

Perhaps: significantly, these guys more or less signed up for it. That is probably fairly significant. They weren't (as in Vietnam, or Korea, or WWII) ordinary Joes that got a draft notice in the mail one day.

Still: does it sound at all cool? Man vs. wild, trying to freeze the weakness off your soul in the Alaskan bush.

Not when it's your autistic ass trying to do it to score chicks, man.

Some say Chris McCandless was a hero.

I don't know who that is.

I am one of those people. That doesn't change the fact that the world would have been a better place if he had lived longer in it.

Behold:

The First Woodsmaxxer

Sure it sounds cool, but I doubt it works.

No, it won't make you more attractive, at least not to most women. It's my experience that most things men think will impress women will only impress other men. I'm an avid outdoorsman myself and was high adventure director for my local BSA council for four years, and I occasionally had male staff who wouldn't shut up about how great they were at everything and everyone else just found them to be insufferable pricks. These were usually my best employees but they'd often get bad reviews from groups that came through just because they didn't know when to tone it down. Also keep in mind that unless you write a bestselling memoir about your experience or are profiled on national TV, you'll have to actually get a date before any woman will know about this, and if you can get a date then you're already halfway there without the ridiculous notion that the deciding factor is going to be your fifty mile trek of idiocy.

And I'm too tired to mention all the ways that you've already demonstrated so little knowledge of what you're suggesting that you'd almost certainly die if you were to attempt this undertaking, but it's not logistically possible anyway so, luckily, you'll be around a while.

Also keep in mind that unless you write a bestselling memoir about your experience or are profiled on national TV

I suppose that this might be an interesting memoir, assuming I survive: guy dumps himself into wilderness, walks out.

I think the most attractive thing to be is the martial aristocrat: the man that is strong, tall, powerful...but most of all has the ability to lead men into battle. Men he's grown up with, who trust him with their lives and whom he has the personal loyalty of.

Of course, this doesn't work if you're short; I knew a Special Forces colonel that didn't do well at all dating because he was only 5'4".

And I'm too tired to mention all the ways that you've already demonstrated so little knowledge of what you're suggesting that you'd almost certainly die if you were to attempt this undertaking

I've camped in the woods in winter several times before. Once down to 0 degrees F.

Your solution to being an autistic shut in is to send yourself even further away from civilization and become a hermit.

This has "desperately avoiding facing your actual problems" written all over.

Maybe try working up the courage to join a casual sports team before killing yourself.

Fifty miles isn't that far? If you are wearing proper clothing and have snowshoes/skis + trail food, you should be able to just, like -- keep walking until you get to civilization?

If you want to do some winter camping that can be fun too, but I'd choose somewhere more interesting than a northern forest -- they're kind of featureless in many ways.

Maybe you should get into mountaineering? Those guys risk death in ridiculous ways all the time ( here's an 'interesting' story I read recently ), but at least they end up with a more interesting story than "one time I walked around Alaska for a couple of days for no good reason".

(The first two paragraphs of that article, for flavour:

MOUNT THOR is located 16 miles above the Arctic Circle in the Weasel Valley on Baffin Island. Our goal was to climb the 4,500-foot west face, tackling the 1,600-foot overhanging headwall.

Previous attempts on Mount Thor’s west face had ended at the base of the headwall. In 1979, a large Japanese expedition attempted the face, but retreated after the death of a climber. Later that summer, after 32 days on the face, three American climbers were driven from the wall by winds in excess of 100 miles per hour. In 1984, a second Japanese team reached the summit via the west face and north ridge. Their climb avoided the headwall, but unfortunately ended with the tragic death of a climber during a stream crossing.

)

I will most definitely be wearing proper clothing and carrying food with me as well. The plan is to make a sled by reshaping the plastic from 55 gallon barrels. I have seen canoes made this way. I’ve got a winter jacket that’s damn near Everest grade, down pants, merino wool base layers. I’ll grab some skis, some expedition weight mittens and boots that can handle 40 below, test it in the mountains next winter when it’s like 0 or 20 below, then have myself dumped in the Alaskan forest north of the Arctic Circle and see if I can make it out alive. I’ll take a map, compass, and perhaps a rescue beacon.

You have never lived, ‘till you have almost died, and after life has a flavor that the protected will never know.

The thing here is the extreme remoteness plus the fact that temperatures can dip as low as 40, even 50 below zero. This is cold as fuck and is something I feel might harden the hell out of my soft ass.

What do you need a sled for? Just pack a bunch of beef jerky and trail mix, you'll be fine.

I don't see the mechanism by which it would make you more physically attractive. If your intention is to tell women you did this, I expect it would only make you less attractive. They would think you are either crazy or lying.

Having faced mortal danger after training and preparing, and come back in one piece.

I’ve never seen combat vets have trouble finding dates…no matter how alcoholic or fucked up they are.

Will "mortal danger" change how you look in a way that makes it obvious to women what you went through? Will it change something else about you so that women will be able to perceive it and therefore be more attracted to you?

Or is your plan to tell women that you did this? Because I expect women's reactions to someone saying they're a combat veteran and someone saying they deliberately got lost in the Alaskan wilderness would be very different. The former is hot, the latter is just weird. If you already come off as autistic in conversations, this won't help.

Hmm. I don't know if 'being a combat veteran' allows you to have a girlfriend while acutely dying from alcoholism-induced liver failure. I don't know. I suspect that that sort of thing does change a person for life; I think it makes them more attractive, but it is expensive: you might die. You might get maimed. This is the point.

I'd call it a 'winter backpacking trip' or something like that.

I can hear it now: "And this crazy dumb fuck dumped himself in fuckin' Alaska for some reason. Dude survived, but he's fucking nuts." Some might respect it. Others might think it was idiotic. I've spoken to people that admired Chris McCandless (RIP).

The Hock will fix everything

Does it grant you the spirit and soul of the true Chad?

In the way that a sculptor discovers the statue, the Hock will break you until only Strength remains

I'm gonna say: you're unlikely to survive and if you survive you're unlikely to be any more attractive.

Don't forget to write a will and agree upon a trigger so that people can start looking for your body.

And no, this won't make you more attractive.

Confidence will make you more attractive. I'd suggest diet, sleep schedule, a bodybuilding routine, dance and improv classes, getting your clothes altered to fit, talking with career consultant and possibly a stylist, joining a religious community or volunteer organization before extreme hobbies.

I too want to do really intense shit in Alaska, but more Alone in the Wilderness style cabin build, hunting and gardening.

Man, you went in my head from being merely severely autistic to now being the star of the next hit 4chan greentext.

At this point solve two problems with one stone, and move to Greenland to shack up with an Eskimo chick.

So: if I live, I’m now a 4chan-tier autist.

If I die, I’m Chris McCandless 2.0.

Plenty of Natives in Alaska, though…why Greenland?

Honestly, I'm having trouble taking your posts seriously, this stuff is pretty out there even by rdrama lolcow standards.

Taking the not-super-plausible premise seriously: If you take whatever gear and do whatever prep is necessary to survive, you'll make it - and if you don't (e.g. no layers / warmth in cold winter), you won't. And is a woman going to sense, or be attracted to, 'you didn't freeze or starve to death'? How will they be able to tell?

That said, if you read and prepare appropriately, and don't intentionally take too little food/water/protection to 'make it risky', you'll be fine. I'd strongly recommend telling your plan, in detail, to someone who's experienced with the outdoors, and letting them tell you if it sounds too risky / you sound too inexperienced - and if they say so, don't do it. (edit: you say below you're experienced - maybe, idk, the general ridiculousness of the comments make it hard to entirely believe statements like that). I'd also recommend both doing smaller-scale excursions before the big event. But something like that could be worth doing, and it would be something interesting to talk about. It probably won't make a difference with women specifically.

I have a friend who was raised in Alaska and knows Alaska Natives that have lots of experience with the outdoors.

I definitely plan on doing shakedown runs in the mountains when it’s 0 degrees to 20 below.

How will they be able to tell? I’ve heard that both studying martial arts (enough to get good) changes someone indelibly, and surviving combat does so even more. So I figure that surviving being chucked in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness and knowing all the way that a fuckup could mean I’m a human-meat popsicle for wolves or something is gonna change me. Ideally? It’d have a similar effect to war, but without the moral injury and shame.

I’ve been running and carrying rock-filled backpacks in the woods to train, as well as camping in cold weather. I’ve always wanted to see if I had what it took in a survival situation since 12 or 13, to be honest.

I plan to attempt the transition from crazy motherfucker in chat to crazy motherfucker in real life. My dad always said that wackos always seemed to survive better than you expected ‘em to…

Is the alternative dating women who are morbidly obese?

While touching grass is good for everybody, I think this is probably a step in the wrong direction for you. Your weakness is having relationships with other humans. This plan is you running away from your fears. You're rationalizing literally going away to live by yourself in the woods.

I’m not going to live in the woods. I should be out of the woods in a week, two at most.

Isn't the standard walking distance per say something like 20 miles? You should be back to civilizwtion in 3 days unless there's a mountain range forcing you to travel much further.

Do it. Write about it. Post it.

It outrages me that this isn't the only post aside from people agreeing.

Do you think that it'll work, or has a chance of working?

It's strictly less likely to work than taking less drastic and more sensible steps you're refusing to consider. I won't repeat them, there's like 10 people here who told you already.

Yeah. OP is either a troll, or so far gone in mental health that nothing any of us says will reach him. Either way, best not to bother.

Idk, I've never done anything close, but when we have these threads about romantically hopeless men one of the peanut gallery suggestions is often to do something radical with one's life.

You've professed repeatedly to being romantically hopeless, so why not do something radical?

Lately I've been seeing a lot of things happen in life that are the result of probabilities, in the "The harder you work the luckier you get" kind of way. Do something crazy and see what happens.

You sound completely unhinged, and while I agree that getting off the internet will do you a lot of good (as in, getting out of your own head, getting away from the hope-crushing discourse around dating/relationships/attractiveness, etc), getting that far off the internet will probably kill you. Find something directionally similiar but maybe 1/10,000th the magnitude and do that first.

I mean...I'm no stranger to the outdoors or wilderness. I've been camping in freezing weather several times; once it even got down to 0 degrees F. So...I guess I've already done something "directionally similar but maybe 1/10,000th the magnitude".

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