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Culture War Roundup for the week of May 22, 2023

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5'3" here, and it's not quite that bad. Fit, but six pack only visible part of the year; not particularly charismatic and arguably mildly on the spectrum; less than half a million per year. I do make time for partners, and most people would agree they're conventionally attractive. It does take a lot more work than if I were a foot taller. TBQH the biggest issue in my dating history has been getting taken off the market for long periods by people who didn't really appreciate me because I thought I couldn't do any better.

less than half a million per year.

The fact that you're using this number as a measuring stick tells me that you probably earn vastly more money than I do.

TBQH the biggest issue in my dating history has been getting taken off the market for long periods by people who didn't really appreciate me because I thought I couldn't do any better.

Sorry to hear that you had that experience.

The fact that you're using this number as a measuring stick tells me that you probably earn vastly more money than I do.

Quite possible. That said, in my experience there are rapidly diminishing returns to more money for dating once you get past, say, 100k/year. Going from 50k/year to 100k/year is far more valuable than 100k/year to 500k/year.

Honestly in my experience of dating amidst the Upper Middle Class clique, at a certain point it also becomes what you do to make money instead of exactly how it's made.

I'm fortunate enough to be very well compensated, but it's in a field that some would consider unethical/unstable and I've had a few romantic entanglements peter out after 3-4 dates since I wasn't seen as being worthy of meshing with a lady Surgeon or whatever, despite being in a similar earning caliber.

there are rapidly diminishing returns to more money for dating once you get past, say, 100k/year.

Again, vastly beyond my actual income.

In my experience there are rapidly diminishing returns to more money for dating once you get past, say, 100k/year.

Mine as well. I think the most effective way to improve your dating life is just to go where the women are; being able to live comfortably in the big city, without stressing over money, definitely makes that easier.

Beyond that, I think you're more likely to be judged on your looks and charm (at least by the women worth your attention). Luckily, both of those can be improved by pretty much anyone, given a little time and effort.

You (and @moonrider18) should know that SkookumTree is known to be wildly mistaken in his beliefs about women (check out past Wellness Wednesday and Small Scale Question Sunday threads to see what I mean). Basically, he's convinced himself that he's an ugly autistic freak whose only options for love are to get a bottom tier woman (literal drug addicts, someone who's so fat she will need full time assistive care before long, etc), and persists in that belief no matter how many people here tell him he's dead wrong. I would take anything he says about romantic relationships with not just a grain, but a giant fistful of salt.

Thanks for the info

Oh, I'm trying to provide a counterpoint to the idea that shortness inherently means a miserable dating life. Currently engaged and have had several attractive women who wanted to marry me in the past, despite my, ahem, shortcomings.

It doesn't inherently mean a miserable dating life any more than it locks you out of basketball success. Muggsy Bogues was 5'3" and played in the NBA. A relationship with someone who isn't morbidly obese, is sane, and can hold a job is probably slightly easier for Joe Average than playing Division I ball.

A serious question: which has been more difficult for you/would be more difficult?

  • Climbing to the summit of Mt. Everest

  • Finding a partner that isn't morbidly obese, works a job, and is more or less sane.

Also, are you a military veteran? If you are: did you see combat? What made you think that anyone would ever be into you: did you ever get The Talk that you should be single for life because only gold diggers would be interested in you (not hyperbole; happened to me, age 21).

What is remarkable or extraordinary about you, if anything?

Climbing summit of Mt Everest would be far harder; I get grumpy climbing Mount Tam or honestly running more than a mile or two. Not a military veteran.

Never got any kind of talks about anything related to dating, so I was pretty clueless and didn't understand why it was so hard and had to learn through lots of trial and error what works.

What makes me exceptional? Hmm. Education from an elite university, good generalist knowledge in most subjects. Jobs have tended to be with well-known companies with decent comp packages, but people with those are a dime a dozen in the Bay Area. I speak a couple languages (particularly, languages that line up with my desired dating demographics) and have lived on a couple continents, and in my twenties had a pretty unconventional path compared to most people I know. I have some hobbies that are pretty unique and typically female dominated. I can usually make friends with anyone, from bona fide meth addicts to rich girls who went to posh boarding schools to Trump partisans to enthusiast tabletop gamers.

Also, persistence. That's been a pro and a con (too much persistence gets you stuck with folks who aren't really that into you), but it gets you somewhere.

I get grumpy climbing Mount Tam or honestly running more than a mile or two

A young enough person who just happened to neglect exercise can easily to from unfit to running marathon in 2-3 months.

I can usually make friends with anyone, from bona fide meth addicts to rich girls who went to posh boarding schools to Trump partisans to enthusiast tabletop gamers.

Yeah - that's exceptional and counts for a lot. Also, it's supposed to be hard for guys like you - the only guy your height I know who isn't with someone morbidly obese or crazy is a future neurosurgeon with enough charisma for a career in politics.

Nobody was ever uncomfortable with the thought that you'd be anything other than a celibate programmer? And you're on the spectrum? Interesting. Also, how'd you get that charismatic? Can you get people to not only be your friend but also fight and die for you, or sacrifice for you?

I don't think that's particularly exceptional? Starting from the upper class and having a base level of imitation and willingness to do things that your local social group find distasteful when around other social groups should be enough to do that.