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Seems more highly predictable than amazing. I'd save such questions for a more appropriate social context (ie here, among a different group), even if they're interesting. To borrow an imperfect analogy from the imperfect gender debate: momness is a spectrum. If the kids, father, and law all view the stepmom as a mom, then yeah, stepmom is pretty much a mom. Self ID doesn't work here because so much of momness is contained in others. Steven Dubner of Freakonomics fame has talked about adopting a kid (after having many kids the usual way). The kid was adopted near birth, and he says it was just as special.
But isn’t this true of all identity? They come about as people interact in society and see themselves in opposition to or in support of people around them. If you lived in an isolated area the concepts of race, tribe and religion would not really exist. You are just the people, and all people look like you, and the gods are just the gods. It’s only once you meet someone who doesn’t share those things that you need to define yourself. Once there’s a Christianity you need to define the religion of the Romans or in the Middle East Judaism. Once you meet people from other tribes, you need to be able to say “I’m from the tribe of Kelvin” because those guys are from the tribe of Motte and they’re totally different. Even things like Jock and Nerd are defined by other people and while you can identify with the label, other people get to decide if you really fit.
Hannah Arendt had a theory that only others could tell who you are, preferably once you are dead (because any action can change the meaning of all your life). It's interesting because she also thinks that the main role of politics is to reveal who you are. So it's about identity... but an identity you can only show to others, without seeing it yourself.
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