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Wellness Wednesday for June 21, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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"Gentlemen" of the motte. What do you expect in return for... being a gentleman.

I was reading a post in my cities subreddit asking "Do you give up your metroseat for women?".

Most responses were along the lines of "no unless they are pregnant". But some were really making an attempt to claim the moral highground. "My mom raised me to be a gentlemen" from the males to "there are no more gentlemen!" From the females.

I was left thinking thats well and good. But no man is actually taking a purely raw deal just because right? He must expect something in return, not from the individual woman, but the social structure as a whole. I dont know.

What is that something?

For an opened door, a gentleman expects a polite thank you and ideally a smile

Would be nice, but I don't actually expect it. I wouldn't feel slighted if that didn't happen. I would feel better if it did, but it's like finding a $20 bill on the ground - nice if it happens, but I don't make any plans or expectations based on it. Silent acceptance is fine with me (that said, I'm very introverted, so I in general fine when people I don't know just leave me alone).

If he gets a sneering, “I can do it myself,” he’s not going to continue the behavior.

If the person rejects my help, the right thing is now to stop and get away from that person, especially if they are showing signs of behaving irrationally.