The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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How many people feel strong romantic connections with their partners? I feel like I experienced this in my first few relationships but not really in the decade since then. I'm not really clear whether you're supposed to still feel a spark in adult relationships or whether those are just irrational young love feelings that don't really pop up again, and most healthy adult relationships are just based on finding someone who's compatible and nice.
Yes. And if you're a decent looking young man with a job, settle for nothing less. Because it does exist out there and you're making a terrible gamble if you don't feel it, either of you could find it in the meantime.
I've been with my wife for over a decade, wherever we go we're having more fun than everyone around us. When we go to mass, or go to Costco, or make dinner, or drive three hours to see her parents, we're making little jokes to each other we're laughing we're discussing and debating we're judging and mocking. I've seen her naked by now, I'm still looking down her shirt every chance I get, she's still soaking wet when I undress her. When we're apart for 36 hours, the first thing we want to do is talk to each other about everything that happened.
And knowing that exists I can't imagine settling for less, because of I came across this when I didn't have it at home... Boy, I don't know.
It's much more complicated once you share taxes, chores, families. It was simpler when all we did was make love and read in bed after. I'm sure as life continues, it will change. I can't speak for your 40s or your 50s, but in your 30s? You should be in love.
I would add "neurotypical" to that. If you are unattractive or suck a bunch at something, but still want to do something, you're more focused on the least bad outcome than the best.
Would you rather be celibate for life? Have had a few passionate relationships that didn't pan out, and be single from age 34 to your death at 82? Be in a relationship with someone you find physically attractive, and who feels the same way about you...but who is also either kind of a shitbag or a stone cold shitbag?
I should have expected you'd turn up. How are plans going on your Alaska wilderness walkabout?
@Soriek , just in case you're like most mottizens: a touch of the 'tism never stood in the way of true love.
Luckily I have a lot of cool and normal hobbies like posting screeds on tariff policy on obscure internet forums.
In all seriousness I've been very blessed to have mostly had relationships with very good hearted, well adjusted women - part of why I feel guilty for not being able to meet perfectly nice people halfway.
I actually talked about this with my wife the other day. My wife is, in some ways, not a nice person; she was joking about how if she ever divorced me she'd float back into my life every time I found someone just long enough to break us up. And we laughed about women who we knew who were, you know, good enough, but who would have been no competition for her in a pinch.
I suspect, under sufficient social and societal pressure, you would probably meet these girls halfway. And under sufficiently strict social structures, I'm sure you would both figure things out. But we don't have those social and societal structures and pressures. Wishing them into existence seems foolish.
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