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Notes -
Is anyone of the opinion that even honest, non-coercive casual sex is immoral, for secular reasons? I think I share a common preference among men that I’d rarely pass up on a hookup with an attractive woman but would probably not date a woman long-term who has slept around too much (“too much” is probably decided on a case-by-case basis and there are other factors involved). I can see how that’s hypocritical in one sense. And according to my own value system, I’m denigrating the value of women I have no long-term intentions with but other men with my shared preferences might. But a certain libertarian perspective also says “whatever is honest, legal, and uncoerced is ethical” and men (including me, probably) will just have to learn to settle later in life for women with a higher body count than they deem acceptable.
Isn't this an extremely common religious view? It's exactly what many a Catholic priest or Orthodox rabbi would say to you.
Hypocrisy is something to be aware of. It's a fact of life and one of the necessary copes, I'd say, but it does not generally endear you to your peers and it is therefore, on some level, antisocial behavior.
I don't think the average modern secular man is capable of judging a woman's bodycount well, at least provided he lives in a city, is dating someone over 21 and can't do a full background check with childhood friends, classmates, college friends etc. A lot of the women I know who've slept around a lot had like one three or six month phase of sleeping with a large number of men in a single summer or study abroad or college semester or gap year or something when they were 19, even people who knew them quite well might not know the full extent unless they're very close female friends, who probably aren't going to spill to her new boyfriend.
So to me, the logic for many men would be something like :
It's kind of like the "have you ever fucked a hooker?" question for men asked by their girlfriend/wife. Unless he thinks she's trying to set up a threesome with an escort, there is literally no reason for him to answer this question with a 'yes', whatever the truth. Women are mostly smart enough to know what men want to hear on the bodycount question and will lie where necessary accordingly. Maybe it's better, then, to convince yourself it's less important? I don't know.
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