The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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What do you guys do when you feel stuck in a rut? It feels like all I think about is food, sex and money and it's really irritating. I'm constantly preoccupied with what I'm going to eat for my next meal, how I'm next going to get laid and how I'm going to make more money. I don't like spending time on activities that are nonproductive so I try to avoid video games. I spend a few hours every day on my computer but it's kind of a half work half mindless visual processing thing. I make money passively so I don't have to really work more than an hour or two a week but I usually end up spending a few hours more developing ideas and doing work that's not really necessary. I have a lot of free time but I spend a lot of it organizing stuff in my house and cooking. I am dating a bit but I don't really like any of the guys I'm talking to for anything long term so it feels like a dead end there. I also don't really generally like people and would rather spend time alone, I feel like these convos always go to "go to church" or "join a community" but it just sounds irritating to me.
When I used to feel this way I would just take walks outside or drive around or do chores around the house but I have done all of those to death. I have walked every path within an hour of my house, driven everywhere in my state and done many chores. I traveled for over a year and it was great but now that I'm stuck at home again the inanity of daily life is driving me crazy.
The bad news: What you are discovering are truths about the human condition - going after sources of temporary happiness or fulfillment will never lead to lasting, reliable happiness and fulfillment. Food, sex, money - thinking that these objects of greed will give you what you really seek is kind of like being a dog that mindlessly salivates at the thought of being thrown a bone from the butcher shop. They get the bone sometimes, and gnaw at the bone, even though it's already been scraped clean of meat. It will only provide enough satisfaction of the desire to keep you falling for the same trick in the future. Until you're tired of it.
The good news: You're in a great position to start seeing through the games that the mind sets up. You're already tired of it. You're in a pretty enviable position. Lots of people would love to get by on passive incomes with barely any work. You have your basic needs met, yet you are not fulfilled. This makes it clear to you that seeking lasting happiness from outside sources cannot work. What's good about realizing this? Because breaking free from illusions is liberating. It means you can stop setting conditions for when to have happiness.
If I were you I'd start putting a good chunk of time into diligent meditation each day. It worked for me. I'm not saying it made me happy all the time, but I'm a lot less unsatisfied than I used to be.
Yep, I can confirm your assessment in the first two paragraphs. I'm very bored of worldly pleasures and want to seek greater fulfillment. What do you mean by diligent meditation? Do you sit in a room with no distractions and just think? That's what I imagine meditation is. Do you reflect on deeper questions? I'm curious to know more about it and why it helped you out to be more satisfied with life because it doesn't sound super exciting but I'm open to exploring it as well.
Meditation is just one avenue of seeking wisdom, which it sounds like is what you’re looking for. Basically the task of learning to find lasting contentment or at least a sort of understanding with life.
The reason people have told you to go to church is because that’s traditionally a place you seek wisdom with others. If you want to do it alone you’re in for a difficult path.
Well, I've never been one to take an easy path. What is it about seeking wisdom with others that makes it easier than seeking wisdom alone?
People are very bad at seeing their own weaknesses and flaws for one. Our brains aren’t designed for it. Hence your asking for advice here.
Two, there will be a lot you don’t know. Wisdom is difficult to pass down in a fully legible format, so you’ll likely be reading myths and stories and scriptures. Pieces which others have been working on understanding for thousands of years. Having a guide through those commentaries is crucial.
Finally, if you really open yourself up to fundamentally changing your view of yourself and the world (a necessary step) you can get to some weird places. People you can talk to help keep you sane and out of the deep end. They also help you learn to articulate your experiences in a socially acceptable way.
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