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Notes -
What are some great first date ideas? What worked for you guys? Previously I've taken girls to the museum and I think that's fine -- you can always talk about the art if conversation stalls, and it segues very well into getting coffee or iced-cream afterward. Part of me is worried that it's too boring or conventional though -- maybe something with some light activity involved?
On that note, I've recently moved to the UK so punting doesn't seem like such a bad idea for a date -- Lord knows I've seen plenty of couples doing it near my neck of the woods.
It depends on what you mean by "what worked"... If you mean quickly getting access into her pants and the next day very possibly being ghosted, or losing interest yourself, @Sloot seems to be on the right track, or at least of the same mind. Get her in a bikini and go to town, or whatever. If you are looking for something that might build some kind of relationship that lasts a relatively fun period of time and leaves you both feeling like you've contributed in some way to the net authenticity, and, even, romance of male/female interaction, I would rethink.
Alcohol is always an ice breaker, but can lead relatively quickly to undesirable outcomes. I once took a shockingly hot ballerina (mentioned only because I have a thing for ballerinas..I mean a ballerina!) out for dinner at what I thought would be a great restaurant that I had already decided was of good ambience. She said she wanted to eat meat (she was Japanese, this wouldn't have been an unusual thing to say). Only after arriving did I realize the Middle Eastern place I had chosen was largely devoid of any meat dishes. This was bad enough, but after my third glass of delicious red, I was in such an expansive frame of mind that I knocked the table with my knee and spilled wine all over both my side of the table and my left thigh. It's hard to charm one's way out of this kind of situation. It's like coming back from the bathroom wearing a jester cap and gamboling back tableside, then trying to take the cap off and act as if nothing were at all amiss.
Do you cook? If so, decide a menu. Pick her up and take her grocery shopping. Buy wine if you must. The more stops on the way the better, up until your butter begins melting of course. If you can shop and get home before anything has begun to spoil, you're fine. Now go back home (with her, to your own home. WHICH IS CLEAN.) Turn on some sort of music. She can choose, if you have some Spotify thing (when I was in my heyday in these matters I had CDs). Make the dinner together. Eat it. You may or may not successfully "bang her" but you'll get a sense of how well you get along.
NB: If you can't cook, do not do any of this. Also if you know absolutely nothing about this girl and have any expectation that you will not hit it off, you might go the coffee and Ferris Wheel or whatever route, just to guarantee an end point where both parties can gracefully escape.
Whatever you end up doing, and this is me saying too much and probably being presumptuous: Be into it. Feel good about it. Show a little excitement, or at least confidence (thus the caveat about cooking skill. If you are pretty sure you can't, don't.) Also I once had a girl stare at me as I was cutting broccoli and tell me I was doing it wrong. First date. I was in fact doing it wrong but not for my purposes at the time, which were to put it into a soup, but I didn't feel like explaining myself and anyway this was like a window into a future of misery. We had no second date and we did not "bang," though I remember being in a bed with her for some reason. Also the house or apartment being clean bit is essential. Especially the bathroom. Her apartment may be a pig sty and probably is, but do you care? No, you don't. She will, about yours. Fools will say just be yourself, dust bunnies behind the toilet and all. I say rise above.
Completely disagree, will just copy+paste from my other comment:
There's really nothing about first date sex that would preclude a more meaningful relationship later on in my experience and those of my friends.
Suggesting cooking dinner on a first date seems more like you're trying to sleep with her. I've done this on a 2nd date and did sleep with her and she was fully expecting that from the moment I suggested it. In fact I find it odd you didn't manage to (unless you were actively avoiding it).
Are we discussing online dating? That's a field I'm not at all familiar with, so I defer to those with experience.
You are probably right that a woman willfully crossing your threshold (I mean literally passing beneath the lintel of your doorway) is an indicator, though I would suggest it's an indicator less of "I am willing to have sex with you" as much as it is an indicator of trust in your behavior. And anyone met online might very reasonably lack such trust.
It may also, of, course, mean she is open to physical intimacy (including sex) but to just assume so strikes me as more PUA/Redpill dogma than anything resembling reality.
Mind you, I am not suggesting that you were wrong in your own assumptions regarding the 2nd date you mention; I'm sure you read all sorts of other signals and followed them to their conclusion.
I would also insert that I am probably adhering to more traditional norms and have assumptions and experiences based on the generation of women I came up with. I am not completely unfamiliar with one-night stands (again, always negotiated in my case via face-to-face meeting, not arranged via dating app or whatever) but I am also familiar with the very quick dissipation of passion that follows, especially if these assignations were fueled (or lubricated, to use your term) by alcohol.
That alcohol suppresses inhibition is of course news to no one. If you just want to get laid, sure, enjoy a few martinis together. You indicate surprise that I would make dinner for a woman and not then screw her, as if that were her tab for the meal. As a man, I don't think I can necessarily say with full confidence that I definitely would have had sex with any number of women (including broccoli girl) had I but reached out my hands to take, because who the hell knows what's in the heart of a woman? And I can count the times I myself have been propositioned on a few fingers, fewer still the times I have said no (though I have, and I don't think this should be surprising.) I say this only in response to your remark that you found it odd or surprising that I did not follow through with broccoli girl. She had annoyed me, and with more than just her vegetable prep tips. As for the bed memory, I recall the circumstances now and they're boring and have very little to do with sexy good times.
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