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I am faced with a novel and difficult situation at my place of employment. I recently discovered that a transwoman coworker of mine has developed a "crush" on me, and has been talking about me at length (at length here means for an hour+ a day, longer than any daily interaction I have with her) to other people in her personal life. I've already brought this to the attention of my immediate superior as well as to the hr department of my employer, not my first choice in a situation like this but there are some extra variables.
The reason this situation gets very very sticky, is these revelations all took place over the course of an evening where I received a series of texts painting a gruesome picture of this transwoman coworker being drugged, battered, and raped by a Fox News watching, misgendering MAGA supporter. Knowing just how many of these sensational stories don't pan out, I was skeptical but I provided guarded support, largely because I didn't want to see that she'd committed suicide and her phone showing a message to me left on read (engaging at all, I understand now, was a colossal mistake). As this evening of the alleged assault continued, every attempt I made to corroborate a single aspect of her story came up blank. It wrapped up when I received a handful of texts, culminating in a phone call, from my coworkers legacy wife (female) who clarified the timeline for me as well as the details I've mentioned above, as well as some extra background that I don't think I can share anywhere since it's pretty specific/identifying information.
Suffice to say, the picture painted by everything I could put together was one of a narcissist with a cratering need for attention and a willingness to lie about anything and everything in order to get it. I am deeply disturbed by all of this.
I have ideas for what my conversation with this coworker will have to be in order to establish some kind of professional boundaries and so that I don't have to deal with this kind of unhinged behavior in the future. I am, however, very much looking for any other advice I can get when it comes to this. I'll be talking to her tomorrow in a public place with people nearby, so any advice that comes in before then is extra appreciated. I'll be responding with clarifying details as necessary for the rest of today, but I'm also going to be quite busy so I won't be prompt in any way.
E: mods feel free to unshadowban me, thanks in advance.
Full disclosure, I was put off, confused even, by some of your terminology, in particular "legacy wife," which, if I understand it correctly and without googling it (because I should be able to understand the juxtaposition of two very easy words in this way), means "wife" but presumably now they are divorced because the guy has transitioned or decided to be female? I simply don't deal with trans issues in my daily life beyond what I read here (and, previously, reddit) but I guess it's something to look forward to, as Japan seems to latch on to US cultural trends to some degree, with a bit of lag time.
You also use the passive voice "received texts" but in the context of the remainder of your post I have to assume this person crushing on you was the one sending you such texts. If so, it seems odd not to have made that clear. You also insert rather loaded terms in your post here (MAGA supporting, misgendering, both presumably intended as slurs) which suggests you may not regularly read the same posts here that I do, or perhaps you have a different audience in mind than me.
Who is reporting the crush, chatty-about-you behavior to you? What is this person's or these people's likely motivation for doing so? Why would this have made you go to HR, as opposed to seeding the same grapevine with a Not Interested, that it might get back to said obsessor, as has happened throughout the course of human history? And I also wonder why you're being contacted by the guy's wife. (That I call him a guy is a function of my age, don't get alarmed, I don't mean any hate )
It seems to me that you are taking a much different route than I would all around, and I'm trying to get my head around it.
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